During this tense lead up to the US presidential election, i.e. the past four horrifying years, I have spent most of my time doomscrolling on Twitter or yelling at Donald Trump every time he pops up on CNN, which is all the time.
I am used to the weird, tangled fairy floss hair, and the bright orange face paint, coming to accept this heavily made-up mobster as par for the course, but every single time my husband walks past the television and catches a glimpse of Trump, moaning, lying, whingeing or being insulting, often simultaneously, he stops dead in his tracks and says, “Mon dieu, quelle horreur, look at his make-up!” with perfect, incredulous Gallic disdain.
I haven’t really seen any white men in my lifetime wear so much bronzer.
It’s not a deep natural tan, caused by sunbaking and then topped up with fake tan, like the actor George Hamilton used to sport, or the designer Valentino.
I feel like there was a lot of that around in the 1980s on the Gold Coast, but you don’t see much of it any more.
Trump is obviously sprayed with bronzer five shades too deep for his pasty skin, as the tell-tale white circles around his eyes are clearly goggle marks.
He either lies on the bed each morning or sits in a make-up chair and is sprayed by some long-suffering make-up artist who doesn’t even bother to blend at the sides any more, while his creepy long tendrils are arranged and glued into place on his head.
Maybe it’s a Florida/Mar-a-Lago white guy thing, I wouldn’t know, and I have no intention of finding out, because between Melania, ‘gators and COVID, it’s not high on my must-see list.
I also feel badly for his white shirts, because after one wear, the collars must be so grimy with make-up I would suggest they would have to be binned.
He’s really ruining make-up for men for me.
I love the idea of men in make-up: The kohl eyeliner and green eyeshadow worn in ancient Egypt, the powder and rouge worn by 17th century French aristocrats, David Bowie in Life on Mars.
I’ve always thought it was a shame that somewhere along the way, it was considered to be only feminine.
How churlish of us to deny men the option of popping on a bit of concealer, foundation and blush the morning after a big night out.
Make-up is a pleasure, the act of transformation a joy: There should be no stigma for anyone who enjoys wearing it.
However, Oompa Loompa Donald, as usual, is ruining everyone’s fun, because if you were thinking of adding a little colour to your complexion gentlemen, he’s not your poster boy.
Happily, there are more and more cosmetic companies targeting the male market, especially in South Korea, where the hugely popular and handsome K-Pop stars are often wearing perfectly blended foundation and obvious red lipstick.
It’s also a growing trend among trendy young Asian men, who are very interested in high-end skincare, brow gels, mascara and lash curlers. And boy, do they know how to blend.