Fashion designers are plundering the past to bring us the ostensibly new, but there are some trends threatening to return that I intend to avoid at all costs.
There are also some current fads I would like to bid a farewell, such as:
All the cool fashion websites have been trying to tell us that it’s in, but those of us who have seen it come around about 10 times since the ’60s beg to differ. Tie dye cannot be made cool, not even in an ironic, random “we’ve put it on a T-shirt with a photo of Mike Tyson for no good reason way”.
The tie-dye section of the market is the area you always avoid, with the Bob Marley T-shirts, the silver cannabis leaves strung on leather necklaces and the ’80’s leather jackets so stiff you could use them as a side table. Seen on a caftan, it’s unforgivable.
So, the ’80s has already had its moments, but you can take your Cosby sweaters and MC Hammer pants and hair scrunchies and crop tops. But the ’90s is apparently now the new decade that all the cool young things are referencing.
I am trying to remember what I wore and all I can vaguely remember was Robert Clergerie penny loafers, a lot of denim and white T-shirts under a black slip dress. One of the most irksome things about fads is that they never seem to be your favourite period – like could someone tell me that 1930s bias-cut floral tea gowns with diamante hair clips and mid-heeled Mary Janes shoes are back please?
No, no, best it is a neon bomber jacket with a plaid pleated mini skirt and western boots because fashion.
Fake-fur acrylic slides
I don’t mind the simple black-and-white ones that the NBA guys wear, they have a sort of Indonesian mini-mart charm, but fluffy, furry plastics are a polluter on every level, especially visually. They also appear to be relatively indestructible, so no doubt we’ll be seeing them until 2028.
The wide straw hat that …
… exposes the crown of the head, like the one Ivanka Trump wore recently. Huh?
Do you want shade or not? Isn’t the top of your head getting burnt? Would a visor be more honest? Inexplicable.
White ankle boots
Remember, people, they are only truly white on their first wear and after that they go weird streaky beige. Once widely thought of as tacky and obvious, they suddenly became de rigueur, the game-changing shoe that made every wide pant, asymmetric dress, woolly coat or cut-off short look en pointe. Except they still look tacky and obvious.
The khaki parka
Melania Trump and her “I really don’t care do U?” moved the dial on that fashion statement, but I’d like to see a new alternative to the ubiquitous army-issue green parka.
Silver foil, floral, velvet, navy drill, something a little more upbeat than that dreary, quasi-military look would be a lot more uplifting next winter. Even with white boots.