In everyone’s wardrobe there are things you can store and bring out again later, there are things you can restyle or wear in a different way to give them a new life, and then there are those things that just scream “what was I thinking?”.
Here is current hit list of fashion items that should be taken out of your cupboard and never be seen again.
1. Fake fur vests
Whenever I see one of those faux furry acrylic sleeveless vests in rat brown I don’t think luxe, I think skin rash. If you are going to wear fake fur, and I actually can’t even imagine why you would, then you may as we go all Miley Cyrus/Harajuku girl and wear it in a neon bright colour. On your head.
2. Digital-print dresses
I have never liked digital prints full stop, but if they are executed by great designers such as Mary Kantranzou or Dries Van Noten, okay. But the electric blue/pink/ black/white form-fitting combos that are still hanging around, no. It’s time to move onto florals. Vintage florals.
3. Leggings as pants
They are not pants, really, truly. There are hundreds of styles of easy, elastic waist trousers around that are halfway between a trackie and a pant and they look great. A legging is a cop out. And do not wear them with uggs please. Go back to the couch and try again.
4. Platform high heels
I’ve been complaining about them for years, and I think we may be seeing the last traces of them but please bin the fake (or real) Christian Louboutin super high platform pumps that are like giant Minnie Mouse shoes. They just look super cheap and nasty. Add a new season edge by wearing a gladiator sandal, mid-height block heels or a flat espadrille that laces around the ankle
5. Low-rise skinny jeans
Don’t bin them, just push them to the back of the pile. They’ll be back. But more current is the new look trouser jeans, cut mid to high on the waist and slightly flared. More like a snazzy tailored pant, but in denim.
6. Long shorts
For the 40 plus set there is nothing more ageing than a pant that is cut off mid calf, worn with sandals. Either wear a long wide pant, or a tapered capri, but don’t just wear pants that just seem like long shorts, it truly adds 20 years.
7. Sleeveless quilted or thermal vests
I don’t understand, but there appears to be an attitude that says, ‘I am over 40 but my arms don’t feel cold, just my upper core, so I will wear a thermal vest over my tshirt’. It just says ‘retirement’ to me. Get a Uniglo puffer with sleeves. They feel like a silk cardigan.
8. Rubber thongs with skinny jeans
The observer’s eye is drawn straight to your foot so unless you’ve got the best, most perfectly tanned feet on the planet, and the most ace pedicure ever, it looks horrible. Even the Hollister boys can’t pull it off.
9. Dress shoes with squared-off toes
The type of black leather shoe I would buy my sons at Kmart because they only had one month of school term left and we were going to throw them out anyway. The toe of a shoe should softly taper, not finish as abruptly as if you’d walked into a wall. And if they curl up slightly, uh oh. That is a game changer. Only a cowboy boot can legitimately do that.
10. Oakley wrap-around sunglasses
Also known as Speed Dealers. Often see on the drunkest guy at the races. They may also be attached to a cord, which may indicate that it is holding in parts of the brain.