Sport The present your favourite sport needs this Christmas
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The present your favourite sport needs this Christmas

Christmas
What would be the perfect gift for your favourite sport this Christmas? Photos: Getty
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Just like you and me, Australia’s sports stars and organisations are hoping for something special to land under the Christmas tree tomorrow morning.

Here’s a suggested shopping list if you’re thinking of that sporting icon who could do with a little of your Christmas cheer.

Australian cricket team

Eleven pairs of industrial earmuffs are the perfect gift for Tim Paine and his team.

While the re-boot of the Australian cricket team continues apace here at home, amid a cracking series against India, next year’s trip to England promises to be a different beast.

Ear Muffs
Industrial earmuffs. No cricketer should go to the Ashes without them. Photo: Getty

In short, the Aussies are in for a tsunami of sledging and slights as English cricket fans delight in the “sandpaper-gate” saga.

Since that hot mess spilled into our lives like a barrel of rotten offal, the Barmy Army has been counting the sleeps until the “cheating Aussies” turn up to cop a serve.

No doubt it has penned a bunch of new songs to sing, while the appearance of electric hand sanders as the accessory of choice for rowdy rah-rahs wanting to take the mickey out of the convicts in baggy green caps is a certainty.

With a World Cup in England hot on the heels of the Ashes campaign, there will be no respite from the ribbing.

The only way to shut it down would be to win the Ashes on English soil.

In that case, the sensible option is the earmuffs.

AFL

The AFL is great at a lot of stuff, but geography is clearly not a strong point.

Somehow, the suits at AFL HQ continue to leave Tasmania out of the discussion when it comes to having a team to call its own.

So this map will be a welcome addition to the walls of Gil McLachlan’s office.

Tasmania
The map of Tassie. The AFL has clearly lost its copy. Photo: Latitude Books

Tasmania has been a gold mine of footy talent for the VFL/AFL for generations. From Peter Hudson and Daryl Baldock through to Matthew Richardson, the state has given the game some of its greatest names.

Yet Tassie is without a team, despite the AFL’s incursion into the west of Sydney and that black hole of indifference, the Gold Coast.

The cynical view is there are no green fields when it comes to growth and revenue for the AFL in Tasmania as fans there are already locked on to the game.

With Victorian clubs Hawthorn and North Melbourne already embedded in the state with home games – and enjoying a financial windfall as a consequence – there’s little incentive for change for the AFL.

Except Tasmanians deserve a team of their own and have earned the right to one.

It’s not that hard, is it?

NRL

Oz – the greatest TV prison drama that ever was – will hit the spot with the bad boys of league.

It seems these overpaid meat axes have got a thing for prison time.

Many of them have spent much of the off-season engaging in heinous behaviour, to-ing and fro-ing from police stations and courtrooms all trussed up in ill-fitting suits bought for just such an occasion.

A couple of seasons of Oz might cure some of these blockheads of any romantic notions about the glamour of thug life on the inside.

Either that or give them some new ideas of crap tattoos to add to their collection.

The Matildas

Winning The World Cup. They couldn’t, could they?

Of course, they can and the Matildas will need a brand spanking new trophy cabinet to put it in.

trophy cabinet
The Matildas will hope to fill this with the World Cup next year. Photos: Getty

Alen Stajcic’s team heads to the FIFA Women’s World Cup ranked sixth in the world and a realistic chance of claiming the sport’s ultimate prize.

Sam Kerr is among the world’s finest players. Lydia Williams is a goalkeeper of outstanding quality.

Emily Van Egmond, Elise Kellond-Knight and Chloe Logarzo add depth to a midfield brimming with quality. Caitlin Ford, Emily Geilnik and Lisa De Vanna have the attacking prowess to give any defence nightmares.

If it all comes together, this team is a live chance to claim the title.