PART TWO

He [Dad] was bloody worried and bloody furious. ‘Where the f**k is Jonathan?’ he shouted at Mugsy. ‘In my bed,’ came the croaky reply.

By now, Mugsy’s parents were out of bed, wondering what the hell was going on.

Dad told them what had happened. ‘I’m taking these idiots to hospital,’ he said, before going into Mugsy’s room and telling me to get out of the bed. ‘Get in the car!’ he yelled.

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Dad drove us to the St John of God hospital. As we walked in the door, still well and truly under the influence of way too many beers, Mugsy and I were mucking around and making light of the situation. That made Dad even angrier.

The people at the hospital were taking the situation very seriously.

One of the senior doctors had been called in to check us out. The doc ran a few tests on Mugsy. Other than being ridiculously drunk, he was declared to be okay.

Mugsy was allowed to go home, so his parents came and picked him up. The doctor was much more concerned about my health.

He hooked me up to some monitors because he was worried that I had internal bleeding. ‘You’ll have to stay in overnight,’ he told me.

I tried to tell him I was fine, but the doctor was adamant that I needed to be under observation. He asked me to sit in a wheelchair so I could be taken to a room for the night.

I refused. ‘There’s nothing wrong with me,’ I said for the umpteenth time, while wincing in pain.

The nurses put me in a bed. As I lay there, still groggy from the beer and the concussion, I started panicking about what would happen if the media and the club found out.

One of my ribs felt really sore. I was just about certain it was broken.

F**k me, I’m three days out from pre-season training, I thought. This is a f**king disaster. Eventually, Dad went home and the nurses and doctors went to see their other patients. Everyone assumed I was going to have a sleep.

But as soon as the last person walked out of my room, I grabbed my mobile phone and rang ‘Kyles’ [Brown’s then-girlfriend, now-wife] and told her what had happened.

I told her I was in hospital. Then I added, ‘I’m not f**k-ing staying here.’ Kyles tried to tell me to stay where I was but I told her that I had to go.

I rang Rude Ryan, told him the story, adding, ‘Come and pick me up. I’ll be waiting down the side of the hospital.’

Mum had worked for a long time at the hospital, so I knew where all the exits were. I unhooked the monitors and made a break for it.

Rude picked me up and took me to hide out at his place. I decided it would be a good idea to ring Kyles again.

So I was sitting out the back at Rude’s house, trying to sweet talk her, while I was supposed to be in hospital. The phone calls left Kyles in no doubt that I was a lunatic, but somehow my antics were not enough to scare her off. But more about that later.

Brown later in the 2003 season. Photo: Getty

My escape from the hospital caused an almighty circus.

Once the nurses realised that I had done a runner, they rang home and told Dad. He could not believe it. Dad rang Mugsy’s parents.

Mugsy’s mum then barged into his room and demanded to know where I was. ‘He’s at the f**king hospital,’ Mugsy mumbled. He wasn’t lying. He didn’t know that I was at Rude’s place.

Dad made a flurry of phone calls but still couldn’t find me. He eventually tracked me down the next morning. He was none too pleased. I was dragged back to the hospital for a check-up.

To everyone’s relief, I did not have internal bleeding.

I said nothing about my sore rib because I didn’t want them to do an X-ray.

I was allowed to go home with Dad. He was still shaking his head at the whole saga. I had sobered up by that stage, but I hadn’t grasped the full extent of my lucky escape.

That would take a bit longer to sink in. I spent a couple of days lying on Mum and Dad’s couch.

My rib was killing me, but other than taking painkillers I just battled on.

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Copies of ‘Life And Football’ can be purchased here.

Jonathan Brown will also be signing books across the country. Full details are here.