Someone has my computer password, the email claims, stolen while I was tapping away. And soon, I will be ‘exposed’.

This month, however, that’s just the beginning of my troubles. The ATO is after me, as a result of a fraud investigation.

So is the Australian Federal Police, but the specifics of that are a bit sketchy.

I haven’t paid my Amazon bill, so that account is being shut.

I should press 1 to pay for the motor vehicle accident I didn’t have.

And the collection of near-naked girlfriends on offer will soon require its own file.

Don’t get me started on the COVID-19 vaccine, that can be delivered by mail. Or the pathology bill that went unpaid because it mirrored a scam, risking my good credit history.

I know I’m not alone. And I’m lucky; I haven’t lost money.

According to the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, more than $2 billion was lost by Australians through scams last year.

The actual amount will be much higher because ASIC research suggests only about 13 per cent of scam victims report their losses.

Post-COVID, online and telephone scams have grown like the jobs Scott Morrison gave himself; perhaps five-fold.

And many of the victims are those people least able to cop a further slap in the face: Victims of floods and fires, those looking for love or enough money to retire, those with sick children or gambling on hope.

More than 80 per cent of scams in which family are impersonated have been reported by women over 55 years.

Perhaps the worst of those are the ‘Hi Mum’ scams, which took off in June and July, with a victim tally already reaching over 1150 and losses of more than $2.6 million – that we know of.

This is where victims are contacted by someone posing as children, parents, relatives or friends, who might even just say “it’s me’’ before claiming they have lost their phone, using a new number and urgently need money to pay a bill.

The ACCC’s advice is to never send money unless you know where it is going – but when you think a child is in trouble, or the request is life threatening or urgent, those considerations can fly out the window.

Before Friday’s meeting of consumer affairs ministers, the Consumer Action Law Centre said scams had now reached “crisis’’ levels — and it would only get worse unless the government and banks acted.

“It is an extraordinary fact that anyone in Australia with a phone or online presence is now being targeted by highly sophisticated scam-crooks out to thieve and steal. The financial impact on victims is devastating,” CEO Gerard Brody said.

“Every day we are hearing more terrible stories from people calling our helpline who have lost everything by falling victim to highly sophisticated crooks.”

Recent examples included a mother and her three daughters, all with serious mental health challenges, who were scammed out of more than $70,000.

And a man who, on his 76th birthday, received a message on his computer that enabled scammers to access internet banking, costing him his life’s savings of $19,000.

The ACCC has numerous other examples.

Bond investment scams have almost tripled this year, leading to $20 million in losses.

COVID scams – from investment opportunities to fake surveys – were common, along with fake online stores selling products that don’t exist, and scammers impersonating genuine charities, asking for donations.

This is an issue where government can make a real impact and work on behalf of their taxpayers. And consumer affairs ministers are in the box seat to do it.

Mr Brody says banks reimburse customers when payments were unauthorised, but if someone was “tricked to authorise a transaction’’ they were unlikely to get their money back.

“This doesn’t make sense, and banks should be required to appropriately reimburse blameless victims for scam losses,’’ Mr Brody said.

“Raising the bar on banks’ liability would create powerful incentives for banks and payment services to invest more in fraud prevention and protect customers from losses.”

He’s spot on. And that’s what happens in other jurisdictions, like the UK.

In the meantime, the message is clear. Don’t press 1. Don’t click on the link. Don’t send money. Hang up. And find a way to give to charity that is ironclad.

And now back to this PayPal bill that has just popped up, as I go to send this column. $299.39 cents. I wonder what I bought? Anyone good for a loan?