Opinion The Ferguson Report: Chris Lilley offers Andrew Laming empathy training
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The Ferguson Report: Chris Lilley offers Andrew Laming empathy training

Tim Feguson
Tim Ferguson dishes up the week in fake news. Photo: TND
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LAUGH & THE WORLD TUT-TUTS WITH YOU

Comedian Chris Lilley is reviving his comic character, bratty schoolgirl Ja’mie King, despite woke guidelines stressing all comedy must be comfortable, safe and not comedy.

Two-time winner of the Logie Award for Most Popular Actor, Lilley’s hugely popular TV shows – We Can Be Heroes, Summer Heights High, Jonah From Tonga – were yanked from ABC iView because the ABC was young and naïve when it made them recently.

Woke activists who disapprove of Lilley, J.K. Rowling and other low-hanging fruit are yet to campaign against little things like the Murdoch media.

A tweeter twit tweeted, “We only attack the things we loved 10 minutes ago.”

Meanwhile, the ABC has rejected a copycat series called Jonah from Tonga starring a young bloke named Jonah who’s from Tonga because he resembles Chris Lilley.

LAUGHING ALL THE WAY TO THE BANKSY

A Banksy painting has sold for over $30 million, making the well-known unknown artist the world’s richest anti-capitalist.

“Nothing pays like Post-Materialist-Objectivism,” said a university Marxist in a gold Che Guevara jockstrap.

A piece of Banksy’s graffiti burst into tears. “It used to be about the cynicism of the art industry. No, wait … It still is.”

PARLIAMENT’S LOWER HOUSE GETS LOWER

Thanks to Andrew Laming MP undergoing his empathy training wreck, the Morrison government continues to hold a massive majority of one seat.

(The government promises to leave the seat down.)

Barnaby Joyce has claimed empathy training can’t “redesign people’s brains”.

[Insert your own punchline here.]

A female government MP seemed to defend the Boys Own Liberal Party, but it was hard to decipher through her clenched teeth.

VAX ON, VAX OFF

Americans are considering “Vaccine Passports” for proof of vaccination against anti-vaxxers.

“First they try to take away our guns, then our right to cough in enclosed retirement homes,” said a protester who describes herself as ‘dingbat-curious’.

An anti-vaxxer who refused to explain how she avoided polio, cholera and typhoid said, “If we don’t spread coronavirus among the elderly, America will become a Nanna Republic.”

The Australian government is introducing a ‘Conversation Passport’ for people who can speak for one minute without mentioning their cat.

In other news…

GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER QUOTES GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER DEFENDING GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER

GOVERNMENT PLANS TO TRY VACCINE ROLLOUT AGAIN, THIS TIME FROM UPHILL

GOVT MP WHO FAILED EMPATHY TRAINING BLAMES TRICK QUESTION ABOUT HANNIBAL LECTER -VS- LAMB

SCIENTISTS AGREE ‘HETERONORMATIVE’ INCLUDES BUTTPLUGS, TONGUE CLAMPS, SPANKING PADDLES

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