The New Daily has obtained a leaked copy of Donald Trump’s plan for his first 10 days in power. In a note to staffers, Mr Trump wrote:

Wow, what a great campaign. I mean really great. I guess the polls weren’t rigged, or maybe they were and The Trump is just that good.

People love The Trump. They really just love him. The losers, the haters, history is gonna forget them but trust me, everyone, EVERYONE – will remember President Trump.

People are going to want action real quick. Not a lot of thinking and thinking again and then more thinking. They want action and I know how to act. I’m a great actor, hell, I should have gotten an Emmy for The Apprentice.

Maybe they’ll give me an Emmy now, I mean this Presidential race was pretty good television. Can I get the secret service to talk to them about that?

What we’re gonna do in the first hundred days, it is gonna blow your mind, in the case of terrorists and ISIS, literally. That’ll be the first day. We’ll bomb them and BOOM, no more ISIS. Hillary made them, I stopped them.

It’s like the birther thing. She started that, I finished it. BOOM! We have the best bombs, they are so good, and so big, and Vlad Putin says he’ll help out provided I give him Poland. Vlad also promised to introduce me to Miss Russia so I threw in Estonia as well because, where the hell even is that? Does anyone know? No one knows. No one.

Then the first month, we need the wall. Some idiot said there already is a wall all along the border. Well, we’ll knock it down and build a bigger wall, and it’ll have a moat, and that moat will have alligators in it.

I talked to a friend in Florida, he has one of the biggest gator farms in the world. It’s huge. And these gators, they are huge. The only person who could get across this great moat is Michael Phelps and even he’d lose a leg. Done.

Second month, we’ll get the rest of America working on a few projects I’ve been planning for a while. Like have you seen Mount Rushmore? With the four old guys. Who are those guys? I don’t know any of those guys, so why are they up there on that mountain?

I think maybe President Trump should be on that mountain, maybe it’s Trump from the front, and Trump from the side, and Trump from the other side and then Melania. Of course Melania’s there, she’s a babe!

While we’re doing that we’ve got to get to fixing up the White House. Who is that place designed for? Peasants? It doesn’t even have a pool, or a jacuzzi! THERE ISN’T EVEN A SPRAY TAN BOOTH. So that’ll be in the oval office and we’re going to knock out the press room, given we’re not gonna need that anymore. That needs to happen for the inauguration.

Putin has offered to throw me a pool party that’ll make Silvio Berlusconi blush and I want to invite all the FBI guys to repay them for their great work. Such good work.

Then in month three, we need to act on the Chinese because they are really just screwing us. And I think we just start by banning things from China. Chopsticks, all those cheap clothes, sushi, those golden cats that wave. Who are those cats waving at? No one wants a cat that waves. No one. I’m waving at those cats right now “Bye bye cats”.

I’ll call the Chinese guy, President Ping Ping or whatever, and tell him that we need to make a deal and if he says no then maybe we’ll send an air craft carrier or three to show him we mean business. They’ll listen to that. Hard to argue with an aircraft carrier! How would you argue? The aircraft would blow you away. Argument over. So that’ll fix trade. God this is easy.

But we have to start making money here, Congress in particular, have you seen the money these people spend? For what? Democracy? That’s demoCRAZY to waste all that money. That was a good one, you like that one? That was good.

So to round out the first hundred days we’re going to open a Trump casino in the Congress. I mean that is a quick way to make money. Really quick. You can print money that way. I mean, I guess now I can actually print money but you know what I mean.

It’s a nice symbol actually because with President Trump, America has hit the jackpot. It really has. So this is just the beginning. There’s going to be so much more though, so much more, America. I am so looking forward to making you as great as President Trump the Great.

I’ve at least four years here and when my presidency gets renewed at least four more, maybe I’ll even look at tweeting out an amendment to that term limit thing. This is just the beginning America, just the beginning.