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Why Prince Philip deserves a knighthood

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Read a little about the Queen’s husband Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, and you will be convinced that he is thoroughly deserving of his knighthood – for services to dontopedalogy.

In the Sir/Prince/Duke’s own words, dontopedalogy is the “science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it”.

The ageing Queen’s consort has spent more than half a century establishing his credentials in that department.

He’s been described as charming, witty and amusing, but during numerous world tours he’s also managed to insult and offend people with sometimes belittling, sometimes racist remarks.

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His role as a figurehead or patron for a number of charitable organisations, most notably the Duke of Edinburgh Awards, was what made Prince Philip worthy of a knighthood in the eyes of Prime Minister Tony Abbott.

Mr Abbott admitted he hadn’t received a thank-you call from the duke. So The New Daily went searching some of the duke’s most notable quotes, to give readers an idea of what he might have said if he did ring up to say ‘thanks’.

“Do you still throw spears at each other?”
– He asked Aboriginal leader William Brin during a visit to Qld in 2002.

“It’s my custom to say something flattering to begin with so I shall be excused if I put my foot in it later on.”
– One of Prince Philip’s safer speech openings.

“Young people are the same as they always were. Just as ignorant.”
– To a Duke of Edinburgh Awards gathering.

“There’s a cord sticking out of the back. Might you tell me where it goes?”
– A request made of Cate Blanchett in 2008 because she works “in the film industry” of course.

“You were playing your instruments? Or did you have tape recorders under your seats?”
– We’re not sure if the Prince was accusing this Aussie children’s band of scandalous behaviour or complimenting them on their flawless performance.

“Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.”
– When asked if he’d like to pat a koala in 1992.

“Pissometer.”
– The duke renames the piezometer (a device used to measure water pressure) during a visit to Australia.

“People think there’s a rigid class system here, but dukes have even been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.”
– The knight offers evidence of a classless society.

“I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are both doing the same thing.”
– On women.

“Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?”
– This tongue-in-cheek question was asked of vision impaired woman in a wheelchair accompanied by her guide dog.

“It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons.”
– A comment on Ethiopian art 1965.

“Kill a cat and save a bird.”
– The Prince suggests a new slogan for a project to protect turtle doves in Anguilla.

“You look like you’re ready for bed.”
– A comment on the attire of the Nigerian President, who wore traditional dress when he met the Duke in 2003.

“You managed not to get eaten then?”
– Prince Philip asks a British backpacker about his trip to Papua New Guinea in 1998

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