News National The Ferguson Report: One Nation should come with a trigger warning
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The Ferguson Report: One Nation should come with a trigger warning

Tim Ferguson's take on the week's news. Photo: TND
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ONE NATION SHOOTS ITSELF IN THE FOOT-IN-MOUTH

Pauline Hanson’s right-hand pinky, James Ashby, has been caught ‘on the sauce’ and on tape sucking the business end of pro-gun lobbyists in the US.

Queensland One-Nationista Steve ‘Is That A Gun In Your Wallet?’ Dickson was also covertly recorded in the sting. He’s seen expressing his hopes for a $10 million to $20 million donation to ensure One Nation had the government “by the balls”, presuming the government has any.

The secretly-filmed cheque-flick is like an amateur porn movie but with no sex or attractive people.

Ashby is revealed pig-shooting from the lip, discussing money to fight for a watering down of Australia’s gun laws. The US gun enthusiasts in the movie shoot the breeze with 100 per cent accuracy.

A gun-lover hanging from a gun rack said, “It is outrageous these party leaders have been hoodwinked into being who they are, doing what they do, saying the things they say. Normally, they have time to sober up.”

In a bizarre twist, newly elected One Nation MP Mark Latham is not saying anything.

HOUSE OF CARD TRICKS

With the election expected in a shorter time than a prime ministership, political parties are struggling to act like political parties.

Labor is pretending low-wage workers will spend their raises on food and electricity, not bongs and Xboxes.

Liberals are pretending low-wage workers include bank execs, Gina Rinehart’s caboodles and anyone down to their last boat.

The Greens are pretending their top priority is the environment.

One Nation is pretending none of this is happening.

The Shooters, Fishers and Farmers are pretending they don’t kill God’s innocent creatures.

To avoid links to unpopular fringe parties, the government will preference themselves last.

THE MINISTER FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS

Hillsinging Prime Minister Scott ‘My God Is Richer Than Yours’ Morrison has grounded “the member for Manila”, George Christensen, after revelations the Queensland MP spent more days in the Philippines in recent years than he spent in Parliament House.

A government spokeswoman in a Hawaiian shirt at a departure lounge said, “No problem! We’ve devised a plan to keep him in the Philippines from election day.”

In other news…

AUSTRALIA BEING INVADED BY SYDNEY WESTERN SUBURBS

ONE NATION CLAIMS ITS BELIEF IN CONSPIRACY THEORIES IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY

BILL SHORTEN WINNING TACTIC INVOLVES STANDING VERRRRRY STILL

TRUMP INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN TRUMP

HOME-BIRTHER SURPRISINGLY NOT OKAY WITH HOME-DENTISTRY

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