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The Ferguson Report: Politicians drool when activists turn the other cheek

Vote counting all but done, Australia is feeling all warm and decidedly sleepy.

Vote counting all but done, Australia is feeling all warm and decidedly sleepy. Photo: TND

Fake nudes

On Monday, members of climate change action group Extinction Rebellion stripped naked in the UK House of Commons.

One man in his birthday safari suit said, “Whenever I argue, I yank my pants down. It underlines my point. Literally.”

A nude woman who refused to be objectified said, “Hey, I’m up here.”

One Tory MP with his legs tightly crossed said, “I love gawking at nude protesters. It’s worth causing humanity’s extinction to see those pasty lefties airing their blunt political points.”

Anning get your gun

Several senators have given parliamentary speeches condemning Senator Fraser Anning for being ‘worse than Senator Fraser Anning’.

Senator Anning has refused to reverse his position on being himself.

A spokeswoman on her high horse said, “We told the senator he has brought this attack upon himself. But he doesn’t understand that concept.”

The senator was elected by 19 tyre-sniffing ball-scratchers with limited breeding prospects. It’s expected Senator Anning will romp in at the next election with a no-vote landslide.

Statistics show the best thing about disgruntled old white males is they don’t last long.

PM accidentally goes negative on Opposite Day

Cookie-cut Prime Minister Scott ‘Not Long Now’ Morrison has proudly announced a disability royal commission, despite all efforts to the contrary.

After refusing to swallow a royal commission, Morrison choked and surrendered to the inedible. He wept about people with disabilities being helpless as if he’s never seen the Paralympics.

“It’s the same brilliant tactic as the banking commission and gay marriage,” said a government official buying policies at the Reject Store.

“You know we’re serious about doing the right thing when we have to be dragged kicking and squealing into doing it.

“We hope the royal commission proves we’ve been successful in our attempt to do nothing for the last five years.”

New Game of Thrones series features gratuitous dialogue

Nudity and sex scenes in the new ‘Game Of Thrones’ will be ruined by distracting dialogue and story development.

“Grow up,” said a slightly overweight GoT fan with sweaty palms and a pigtail. “Call me a fuddy-duddy, but there is no need for oily flesh orgies to be soiled by character development and thematic layering. Sickening!

“The only acceptable character arcs are when actors bend over each other.”

A TV executive said: “Viewers are warned that interesting dialogue is for adults only.”

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