News The Ferguson Report: PM wrestles with very cross benchers and revolting backbenchers
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The Ferguson Report: PM wrestles with very cross benchers and revolting backbenchers

Fake news
The unvaccinated have demanded protection from themselves – for health reasons, and other fake news of the week. Photo: TND
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AGENDA BENDERS

Prime Minister Scott Morrison is facing backbench revolts from ultra-conservatives and ultra-moderates.

Moderate rebels have demanded Morrison address the religious discrimination bill’s treatment of gay students.

“Get real,” said a discrimination advocate. “The religious discrimination bill is all about gay students.”

Very cross bencher George Christensen likened COVID-19 restrictions to the regimes of Stalin, Mao, Hitler, Pol Pot and Darth Vader. He did not specify if they was a good thing or a bad thing.

One Nation Front leader Pauline Hanson demanded anti-discrimination protections for the unvaccinated. A One Nation stormtwerper said: “Anti-vaxxers should be treasured, because their lifespan is shorter.”

Meanwhile, the unvaccinated have demanded protection from themselves – for health reasons.

HEY, MISTER TALIBAN, TALLY ME BANANA REPUBLIC

To protect Afghanistan’s reputation, the Taliban are purging “people of bad character” to show the world they can become a regular government.

They classify “people of bad character” as anyone with a bookshelf.

They’ve already purged government workers they describe as “suspiciously competent” and “dangerously female”.

A Taliban spokesbeard said: “It’s hard to find experienced suicide bombers these days. The inexperienced suicide bombers cost us an arm and a leg.”

The “people of bad character” have reportedly been seen running around like headless chickens. Wait, they are headless chickens … I think they’re chickens.

The Taliban are producing a TV series called Sharia Law and Disorder: Criminal in Tent.

GIVE THEM ENOUGH NOOSES …

Aussie freedom protesters against vaccine mandates have demanded their 18th Amendment rights.

“Our forefathers fought for our Constitutional rights since Australia was discovered by Christopher Columbus.”

BANNING THE BASE DECRIED AS BASE-ISM

Federal Home Affairs Minister Karen Andrews has banned The Base, an American hate group.

NOTE: ‘American hate group’ does not mean members of The Base hate Americans, unless those Americans are not members of The Base, which includes most Americans.

Also, being a ‘hate group’ does not mean they hate themselves beyond the normal level of loathing levelled at members of hate groups.

The Base allegedly have cells in Australia, but the cells are proving a hard sell, except in Queensland where debase is virulent.

The terrorist cult appears to be made up of bronzed Aussies, authorities have described them as off-white supremacists.

The Base have described themselves as “anti-semantic”, but they don’t know what it means.

In other news …

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  • DOCTORS SUCCESSFULLY REMOVE BEAUTY FROM BEHOLDER’S EYE
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