News The Ferguson Report: Protesters should hang together if they want a real necktie party
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The Ferguson Report: Protesters should hang together if they want a real necktie party

Tim Ferguson
Fake news you can trust
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MOB DROOL

An angry flock of right-winged protesters went to storm the Victorian Parliament House but it just turned out to be a typical Melbourne drizzle.

The peaceful protesters brought peaceful full-sized gallows “for gallows and goodbyes”.

They peacefully chanted “Hang Dan Andrews”, “Kill Everyone Else” and sang “All We Are Saying Is Give Death Threats A Chance”.

A marcher dismissed reports protesters carried a noose as “fake noose”.

Many in the mob distanced themselves from the neo-Nazi extremists marching beside them. “We have nothing to do with neo-Nazis beyond wholeheartedly agreeing with them.”

“We are not neo-Nazi extremists,” said a neo-Nazi extremist. “We are neo-Nazi Moderates!”

A government spokeswoman said, “There were good Nazis on both sides”.

The mob was joined by radical-ridicule right-wing Liberal MP Bernie Finn. Last week, Finn shared a doctored picture of Premier Daniel Andrews dressed as Adolf Hitler. It’s hard to know if this was a brutal condemnation or just a fashion suggestion.

A proud Melbournite said, “It’s proof that Melbourne has far superior neo-fascist conspiracy wingnuts to Sydney!”

THE CREATURES FROM THE CRYPTO

To bitcoin a phrase, crypto currencies have become the world’s most expensive nothings.

Invisible, intangible, in a meeting right now and can’t come to the phone – cryptic cash like Bitbots, Bitblanks and Bittenonthebutts are going through the invisible roof.

New kids on the Blockchain said cryptocurrency is the future. In fact they are banking on it …

“Dogecoin, Binance or BitMart? Let’s toss a coin! Wait … What’s a coin?”

RELIGIOUS DISCRIMINATION BILL LEGALISES RELIGIOUS DISCRIMINATION

PM Scott Morrison’s religious discrimination bill will be tabled in parliament next week. The bill protects the expression of “reasonable” faith-based views of religious groups, including Satanists and the Taliban.

It’s expected that Australia’s courts will be permanently tied up arguing about which theory of The-Universe-In-Seven-Days-Plus-Parking is “reasonable”.

With God on both their sides, the Taliban plan to rule with an iron fist while Scott Morrison rules with an iconic fish.

Some religious groups are refusing vaccinations on the grounds that the blood of Christ must not be tainted by proven scientific method.

The bill will ensure that those who are born again will get to celebrate both birthdays.

In other news …

  • QANON SHAMAN MAY BE RELEASED AS THANKSGIVING TURKEY
  • OBSESSED ‘TIKTOK’ FAN IGNORES THE IMPLIED WARNING ABOUT THE SHORTNESS OF LIFE INHERENT IN THE WORDS ‘TIKTOK’
  • STARVATION AS GLOBAL SUPPLY CHAIN BREAKAGE CAUSES TWO-MINUTE DELAY IN BURGER DELIVERY