Dear reader,

Crowdfunding is the seeking of financial assistance from interested and unknown contributors.

Crowd wisdom, an untried exercise, is the seeking of advice in regard to a problem. Below is my email to Tiger airline staff, explaining my experience while trying to escape our nation’s capital.

The question is: What should the rest of the letter say?

Red has drafted an email to Tiger – but he’s not sure how it should end.

The most expected response is the simple, “I want my money back”.

No doubt, the fine print, those pages of legalese that none of us ever read, will have outmanoeuvred that path. Perhaps I could get a free cup of tea on my next flight or a trip for two to parts unknown?

I’m not really bothered. Isn’t this just buying my silence?

Perhaps I do want my money back and compensation for the further expenses?

An apology in a newspaper, blood from the stone, is usually in that familiar fine print and buried in the back pages. Is a four page wraparound in full colour what I want?

I wonder if the company has an annual corporate ball wherein valued customers are invited to dine at a table, not immediately adjacent to the restrooms, and celebrated for their loyalty and participation?

Would I be offered the opportunity to become “the face of the company”?. Would they suggest that I spruik in stripes and whiskers like a face-painted child?

Tiger has previously been named Australia’s most-complained about carrier. Photo: Getty

I am seeking your help. If there is an outcome that you would pursue and a way of communicating with the corporate entity, in graffiti, telegram, pigeon or pidgin, please advise me.

Should I describe myself in heart-warming or oppressed terms? I was in town to see my son in a play. He was good. Should I exploit that path?

Should I garnish my letter with compliments about the exemplary service that I have always trusted them to supply? For instance, I think it most unlikely that I will receive calls from burner phones suggesting that I am attracting the wrong sort of attention from those paid in non-sequential bank notes.

If you can help, please do leave me some advice in the comments section below.

I remain,
Red Symons

• Red Symons is a musician of the ’70s, TV vaudevillian of the ’80s and ’90s, radio voice of the new millennium and a sprinkled condiment in the theatre and print