The dregs of tequila in our margarita glasses glisten from the glow of my friend’s iPhone as she shows me Instagram posts of her work colleagues.

Her index finger flicks each picture off the screen as if they are being sent to oblivion and her lips tighten before she speaks.

“Stacy just got engaged, and then three weeks later Isabelle did,” she says before adding an under-the-breath curse. “I feel like such a f***ing loser.”

I feel a sting of heartbreak for my dear friend. This woman enriches the lives of all who are fortunate enough to be in her orbit. She recently landed her dream job at a top Sydney law firm, yet somehow is being undermined by sparkly Instagram engagement posts.

Leading feminist Betty Friedan wrote in her influential 1963 book The Feminine Mystique, “The only way for a woman, as for a man, to know herself as a person, is by creative work of her own.”

I’m aware it is mildly annoying to begin a feminist article with this quote, but here we are…

Marriage, the flawed ideal

Over the last 60 years the core themes of the ‘feminine mystique’ have been chiefly embraced by affluent societies. The third wave of feminism in the 1990s compounded Friedan’s ideology that a women’s purpose extends beyond the household.

Furthermore, marriage and a family shouldn’t be perceived as a woman’s greatest achievement. However, a trend in social media might be eroding the philosophies feminists of yesteryear fought for.

The Instagram engagement post has become a prominent way in which couples announce their upcoming nuptials to friends, family, and perhaps the world.

Understandably, a lot of women spend time curating the perfect visual masterpiece to deliver their news. In some cases, the perfect post might equal or succeed the time put in making the actual proposal.

To measure these posts’ popularity, I survey many Australian women from divergent backgrounds who posted their engagement on Instagram within the last five years.

For ninety per cent of these women the engagement is their most liked and commented on post. Gaining more likes than posts containing the finishing of academic degrees and post doctorates, the purchasing of first homes and moving overseas.

The powerful influence social media can have on one’s life-perception has been well documented.

Stoking the fires of envy

A 2014 study by Dr Caroline Cretti found that increased feelings of envy are significantly related to decreased feelings of life satisfaction and self-esteem for women who use social media.

It’s understandable my single friend feels inferior after seeing her peers’ highly adulated Instagram engagement posts. Though this sense of inferiority is concerning, as it has shades of a bygone era when getting engaged was the ultimate accomplishment.

Catherine Lumby, professor of Media Studies at Sydney University and author of the biography Frank Moorhouse A Life, responds to this twenty-first century phenomenon by stating: “I think we are dealing with some generational shifts here, for my generation (and I’m 62) there was a huge push-back against marriage.”

Lumby also notes that certain television shows have compounded social media’s aggrandisement of marriage for women.

Reality TV is helping make marriage a key to women’s happiness. Photo: Channel Nine

“Reality TV has also renewed this focus on marriage. shows like MAFS [Married at First Sight], The Bachelor and The Bachelorette promote that idea of the fantasy,” she said.

Marriage is something that should be celebrated, though the importance social media platforms place on getting engaged might be sending women backwards.

“Women are many things; they are not just male handbags. They are people with many moments in their lives that should be celebrated,” Lumby explained.

“Part of that can be getting married and having children, but equally finishing your education, highlights in your career, being a good friend, and caring about the world, there are lots of ways to achieve things,” she concluded.

So I put my arm around my friend as we walk out of the bar.

“I just don’t understand when is it going to happen for me?” she whispered.

To which I responded: “I’m not sure, but look at your life now, everything else is happening.”