Beard lovers’ fascinated with tweaking, pulling, twisting and otherwise preening their luscious whiskers could be putting us all at risk.
It is, of course, commonly held and widely known that the beard, that most luscious of facial growths, is an awakener of loins, a veritable halo of sexual desire.
That is, until scientists in the USA swabbed one and ruined everything by finding “the types of things you’d find in faeces”.
In fact, some beards could be collecting as much dangerous bacteria as a toilet, the study found.
The findings were “disturbing”, “surprising” and a whole collection of other gut-churning adjectives, said study author John Golobic, a Quest Diagnostics microbiologist, in a statement.
“I’m usually not surprised, and I was surprised by this,” Mr Golobic said.
“There would be a degree of uncleanliness that would be somewhat disturbing.”
The problem seems to be that the side-burned and moustachioed masses have poor hygiene.
For the sake of all that is pure, holy and hirsute, wash your god-damn hands, men.
“Try to keep your hands away from your face, as much as possible.”