EVERY GREEN MP MOVING TO THE EXTREMELY CROSSBENCH

Since the swift and smooth departure from the Greens by Senator Lidia Thorpe, all Greens MPs and senators are jumping ship, so long as no dolphins are hurt.

Clearly, she just needed a change of climate. The Greens had become overcast, with long periods of drizzle.

A Green brown-noser shifting to the muddle bench said, “I thank the Greens who fostered my career, funded my campaign and believed my promise we were all in this together.”

“All for one and one for one!” said a Green MP leaving a vegan-shaped hole in the wall.

“And thanks to the voters who elected me solely because I was a Green,” said a splitter who promises to become a Green again in time for the next election.

Greens leader Adam Bandt said he is “sad” to lose Ms Thorpe. (‘Sadness’ is at the lower end of the hysterical fury and bewilderment spectrum.)

Ms Thorpe was welcomed by Jacqui Lambie, another senator who became an independent when she left the Palmer United-Until-Further-Notice Party.

Joe Biden delivers his State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress. Photo: AAP

THE STATE OF THE DISUNION

President Biden delivered his State of the Union address, calling for bipartisan collaboration with extremist squirrel-headed sonic-loops smelling of boiled bunny and gun smoke.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Republican echo chamber maid, heckled Biden.

Due to advanced age, her comments fell on deaf ears.

‘EXTINCTION REBELLION’ SO DETERMINED TO CHANGE THE WORLD THEY’RE FORMING A POLITICAL PARTY

Oops. No, they’re not.

BIASED MEDIA SAY THE OTHER BIASED MEDIA IS BIASED MEDIA

Former government media adviser Rachelle Miller told the royal commission into Robodebt she devised a strategy to place stories in friendly “right wing media”.

The Australian, A Current Affair and Sky News said, “We are neither friendly nor right wing. Bias is a socialist conspiracy.”

The Guardian, Crikey! and Green Left Weekly were glued to themselves.

“We are not biased – from a left-wing point of view.”

The ABC Gaslighting Corporation said, “We used to be biased but Mr Murdoch straightened us out.”

Each outlet is warning readers, “Don’t believe everything you read. And don’t read everything you believe.”

One editor of a finger-pointing, fact-bending, comfort-zone said: “The media are unhinged radicals appealing to their own bias-bubble-buddies. They’re not calm or objective and I hope they die screaming.”

In other news…

• DEVIL’S WORKSHOP RAIDED. IDLE HANDS CUFFED.
• LIBS 100% COMMITTED TO FEMALE CANDIDATE FOR BY-ELECTION, UNLESS A MAN IS AVAILABLE
• TUDGE LOOKING FOR NEW JOB, ADVISED TO STAY AWAY FROM CENTRELINK
• CHINESE SPY BALLOON MADE IN TAIWAN
• UK PM OFFERS UKRAINE PILOT TRAINING. CHARLES OFFERS ANDREW AND HARRY