POT CALLING THE KETTLE MEDICINAL

Australia is reeling in disinterest at the leaked photograph of former Australian of the Year Grace Tame holding a plastic exhaust pipe.

Criticism came from outraged folk who said it was a bong. But they refused to explain where they’d seen one before.

Some have called for a joint sitting of parliament to mull over a double dissolution of consciousness, to resolve any dreadlocks, weed out the dopes and hide the roaches.

Australia has been undergoing a nationwide, randomised, double-blind trial of marijuana since the 1970’s.

The latest results are inconclusive. Because Chook keeps hogging the doobie.

ANTI-PROTEST SONGS

New Zealand Police have failed to disperse protesters with songs like the annoying kiddie ditty Baby Shark and James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful.

So the cops are playing songs that will suck the fun out of anything:

• Advance Australia Fair (They tried playing the NZ anthem but everyone knew it.)
• Scott Morrison’s April Sun in Thingummy
• Anything by Coldplay.

But the Protesters have responded with their own tunes.

• The Times They are a Newspaper
• Get Up, Stand Up, Sit Down Again, Have a Nap
• We Shall Overgeneralise
• I see Reds
• Four Seasons in One Pizza

‘POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD’ RULED NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT

A recent national survey shows 68 per cent of Australians believe Political Correctness has gone mad.

But there has been pushback-pullyou from 32 per cent of Australians who believe Political Correctness is dangerously sane.

The term ‘gone mad’ is offensive to people who identify as Unhinged, Loopy, Nutball, Whackjob or Sovereign Citizens.

Likewise, the term ‘Politically Correct’ is offensive to people who identify as Uptight, Prudish, Knee-Jerk, Busybody or Arts Students.

Cancel-culture vultures claim PC prejudices against white middle class, cis-gendered people with open minds and a healthy sense of humour.

The politically correct term is now, “Political correctness gone a bit funny but they’ll be fine once they’ve been in the safe space for a few days”.

We can only hope the next phase of the phrase is, “Political correctness gone for good thanks to woke people finally waking up to themselves.”

In other news…

•  DUE TO TYPO, PETER DUTTON ACCIDENTALLY STARTS TRADE WAR WITH CHECHNYA
• GEORGE CHRISTENSEN SUPPORTERS RALLY IN MATCHING ‘THINK FOR YOURSELF’ T-SHIRTS
• “ALBANESE IN CHINA’S POCKET!” SAYS MORRISON IN EVERY MURDOCH PAPER
• EAR CANDLING THERAPISTS ACCUSED OF HEARD MENTALITY
• PRINCE ANDREW GIVES MILLIONS TO WOMAN HE HAS “NEVER MET”