RELIGIOUS DISCRIMINATION SENT TO LIMBO

The government has dropped the Freedom To Religiously Discriminate bill like a hot potentate.

The Australian Government Solicitor warned that the bill would have let single-sex schools discriminate against trans students.

“Exactly!” said the government, but swiftly returned to its prayers.

The Solicitor said schools could have even discriminated against breastfeeding mothers. (As usual, nobody thought to blame the babies.)

Churches claim to be “extremely disappointed”. For once, not in themselves.

Meanwhile, Peter Dutton is threatening to offer Scott Morrison his complete support.

HOW GREEN ARE MY GILLS?

The Greens will change their name because the colour green is not diverse or inclusive. And kids won’t eat it.

“We’re desperately searching for a colour that’s diverse yet identical, inclusive yet Vaucluse-ive. Anything that will appeal to the 90 per cent of Australians who vote against us.”

Meanwhile, Liberal Party headquarters is being repainted. The colour scheme includes Beige on Beige, Brown Nose, Old Blochre, Antique White and a lot of grey areas.

The Labor Party colours remain Red Under The Bed, Anthony Alabaster and Chequered Careers.

Clive Palmer is sticking with White Elephant.

TRUMP COMPOSING A NEW AMERICAN BILL OF WHITES

The next president of the United States, Donald Trump, has complained he’s being discriminated against because of the colour of his language.

Trump criticised Biden for promising to place a woman of colour on the Supreme Court. He wants all judges to be off colour.

He said, “I can talk about it ’til I’m orange in the face.”

LABOR PARTY DANCING LIKE YOU ARE WATCHING

The Labor Party has pulped policies such as taxing franking credits, abolishing negative gearing and anything that could be mistaken for a policy.

The leader of the very-little-opposition, Anthony Albanese, is seeking public approval in the form of an invisible mandate.

A Labor spokescontortionist said, “As far as a new policy goes, Albo has assured the party that he will be whispering it from the rooftops.”

The first thing Albanese plans to do once in the PM’s chair is order a bigger rug to sweep things under.

In other news …

• TRUCULENT PIGEON SPOTTED WITH CHIP ON SHOULDER
• DISCARDED FACE MASKS REPLACE USED CONDOMS
• PARENTS LIKED THE IDEA OF A BABY MORE THAN THE ACTUAL BABY
• UK DECIDES EVERYBODY NO LONGER NEEDS GOOD NEIGHBOURS
• ANTI-VAXXER CLAIMS ‘LOCKDOWN MADE ME TEDIOUS!’
• WINTER OLYMPIAN TESTS POSITIVE TO ICE