Reality star Sam Frost has a steep learning curve on Channel Seven’s new Sunday night cooking show, Hell’s Kitchen Australia.
“All I have is this s****y scrambled egg. It looks like vomit,” she says as she plates up her first attempt at impressing celebrity chef Marco Pierre White.
He agrees. “It’s a shocker,” he tells her.
And, frankly, so is this show.
Let’s imagine how the decision was taken to make this show.
“We’ve got the option on Hell’s Kitchen Australia!” says an excited producer.
“Wow – like the brilliant US one with Gordon Ramsay?” asks the impressed TV executive.
“Um, no, the one with Marco Pierre White,” says the producer. “Our show will have huge celebrities who can’t cook but it will be hilarious.”
And that’s where Seven’s execs should have pulled the plug because the show doesn’t have huge celebrities, it’s not that funny and Marco Pierre White isn’t Gordon Ramsay.
Seriously. Is Australia so bereft of people to do this stuff that we have to import Gaz Beadle from Geordie Shore? Who from what? In case you’re wondering, it’s a low-rent British TV show screened on Foxtel.
Then there’s the new default reality participant, former One Nation politician David Oldfield, who guarantees to offend. Some of his show mates looked disgusted to see him arrive on set – but at least they knew who he was.
During the excruciatingly long “celebrity” introduction, it was clear, more than once, that nobody really knew who they were meeting.
Frost – about to appear on Seven’s Home and Away – and NRL “bad boy” Willie Mason were probably the best known. But there were also some sporting champions, a Real Housewife ‘star’ and actors Debra Lawrance and Lincoln Lewis.
With the exception of Lawrance none of them did any better than Frost in that first challenge.
White (who does a great impression of Hannibal Lecter in this show) asked them to cook anything with eggs in 15 minutes. Most of them ran around like headless chooks.
Many of the results were so bad that White wouldn’t even taste them.
And as for “cooking” for “restaurant patrons” the most they did was shove a few things in the oven or assemble pre-prepared ingredients, admittedly under the pressure of White shouting at them but with the help of two of his best assistants.
At least Frost didn’t take it all very seriously. When the desserts were frozen by mistake and White went feral, she had the perfect solution.
“I think all the boys need to do is a quick 30 in the microwave. Problem solved. Easy peasey.”
Watch the celebrities as they discover their dessert is frozen:
When White asked why they were all there, several replied to learn how to cook.
“No you’re not,” he told them, “You’re here to win $50k for your chosen charity.”
No they’re not, Marco, they are doing it to be on the telly!
Which begs two questions.
“Marco – what are you doing there?”
And: “Why, Channel Seven? Why?”