It’s no fun going first on Channel 7’s My Kitchen Rules – as Tasmanian couple Damo and Caz found out on Monday night.
There’s a cast of characters busting to make their mark in the show which, when all is said and done, is not really about the food.
MKR promos have been introducing who’s who for weeks and the series’ so-called “Angry Man” Tyson didn’t disappoint.
He and sister Amy are quickly dubbed ‘The Addams Family’ by other contestants, as they sit there silent, serious and supercilious.
“How are you going to handle the dinner table chat?” Amy asks him.
“I will be fine if there are no morons,” is Uber driver Tyson’s response.
Mind you, Amy, who works in HR, is no pushover either.
“People say I’m tough,” she admits.
“That’s a diplomatic way of putting it,” says Tyson. “You’re a bitch.”
Thank goodness for the fun and friendly Karen and Ros from Victoria. They’re “breast friends and midwives”.
Ros muddles her words and Karen roars with laughter and jokes they’re going to offer “placenta pate and crème brulee with breast milk”.
Bek and Vic from WA have a dream.
“The dream is we go on MKR, we meet two single men. We win MKR and then we get married and we have dinner parties together. Let’s make this happen,” says Bek. Within minutes of the show starting, she’s flirting big-time.
“I’m a big flirt. I could flirt with a pot plant if I needed too,” she says.
— #MKR (@mykitchenrules) January 30, 2017
So, watch out Kyle, a South Australian bartender, who’s on the show with best mate Tim. Kyle doesn’t stand a chance – though Bek seems quite shocked about how quickly he eats as he puts away his main course and everyone else’s leftovers.
“I’m chowing down, I’m starving,” he says.
The final contestants in group one are best friends Betty and David from western Sydney.
Betty is a social media influencer – paid to write a blog about food, fashion and lifestyle. She’s tattooed and shows her favourite one of her mum, who lost her sight when Betty was three. She’s been her mum’s eyes and hands ever since.
“Everything I do, I do for her,” she says.
Judges Pete Evans and Manu Feildel arrive and, surprisingly, the participants are all stunned into silence.
Every year I swear Pete Evans couldn't look more orange & every year he proves me wrong…that guy knows how to deliver! #MKR
— Colonel Kickhead (@colonelkickhead) January 30, 2017
In the kitchen, Caz and Damo (parents of two boys) are working on their three-course menu, regularly banging on about making Tasmania proud and spruiking the produce there. Karen remarks on what a beautiful couple they make.
“My first thought was I bet you make good looking babies.”
On Monday night, though, they’re focused on making cauliflower soup with truffles, steak with béarnaise sauce, beans and potatoes cooked in duck fat and a crumble cheesecake with rhubarb.
Naturally, wannabe chef Tyson (now dubbed Lurch Addams) isn’t impressed, labelling the food “disappointing”, “all over the shop” and “underwhelming”.
“I don’t want to go up against someone who’s bad. I want a real challenge. There’s no point in coming here if you don’t want the challenge,” he says.
— Cassi (@Cassi_in_au) January 30, 2017
Tyson is going to serve human flesh, yeah? #mkr
— Tosh Greenslade (@ToshGreenslade) January 30, 2017
It wasn’t a great outing for Caz and Damo, but they managed to score 65 out of 100.
— jp (@j_e_p) January 30, 2017
Pete says the dessert was “not pleasurable to eat”. Manu noted that the steaks were overcooked – though he did love the béarnaise sauce and the beans.
Next to cook will be Betty and David. But, really, we are just waiting for Tyson and Amy later in the week, no doubt secretly hoping they won’t do any better.