Apparently, the big trend at the moment, especially with Gen Z, is Y2k fashion, which is from roughly 20 years ago.

That makes sense because all vintage revivals seem to focus about two decades back. It’s all midriff-baring micro-minis and low-slung jeans, girly handbags, hot pink tight singlet tops and Doc Martens, very Paris Hilton, Jennifer Aniston etc, and of absolutely no interest to me or anyone near my age.

It always seems to be the tat you never want to see again that has a revival, never anything elegant or useful.

I want to see the return of some of the thrilling things I used to regularly unearth at the markets and second-hand stores back in the ’70s and ’80s that would certainly up the feel-good factor in these trying times. Could we please usher in …

1. The bedjacket. I would like a nice, crocheted bed jacket with ribbons or a swansdown trim please, like my Nan used to have, preferably in a pastel. Perhaps in cashmere this time around.
2. The housecoat. I bought the most magnificent full-length house coat in a vintage store in Paddington in the ’80s, one that Joan Crawford would have approved. It was black and pink satin brocade, button through, with a cinched waist, stand-up collar, deep pockets and – wait for it – shoulder pads. I swept around my terrace in Darlinghurst like a goddess, despite the weird looks from the punk band I was sharing the house with.
3. Those divine beaded and sequinned cardigans and twin sets from the ’50s and ’60s, that you could also buy in Chinatown. They are literally the best day-into-evening look ever invented.
4. Paste and diamante brooches. I am so over the layered fine chains with an amulet look. I want rhinestones and enamel and mad colour combinations, or maybe an iconic Tiffany Bird on a Rock brooch. In turquoise.
5. Bedroom mules. Since I’m spending so much time in the house and not in a nightclub, I feel like a marabou mule might improve my outlook. My mother used to wear Perspex mules with a quilted leopard wide-legged jumpsuit at home, AND A TURBAN! I have never quite recovered from the glamour of it all.
6. Actually, let’s bring back the turban, since a lot of us can’t go to the hairdresser anyway.
7. Bakelite handbags with coloured glitter inside. Anyone who knows their vintage bags will appreciate the pure joy one felt if you stumbled upon one of these indestructible treasures at a car-boot sale. Remake them I say, no one needs another Dior logo saddle bag.
8. Short Terry Towelling beach coats, A-line, with deep patch pockets, a-la Ann-Margret. Can be put back with aforementioned mules. An absorbent terry-cloth beach coat would be infinitely handy given it looks like it’s going to rain all summer.

The fashion gods are not on our side at the moment, so maybe it’s up to us to add a bit of retro glamour. Something that isn’t a hipster jean or an Ed Hardy T-shirt.