For the first Hollywood red carpet of the year, stars brought their A-game. And their B. And D. Let’s work out who ranked where in the Golden Globes best and worst dressed stakes.
Jennifer Lopez chose the same color theme as the Australian Olympic team but was less fashionable than any Fletcher Jones A-line skirt. Her puffy Valentino gown, pointless bow and Maid in Manhattan plait … just wow.
Taylor Swift wore that dress you pack for a mid-range Vanuatu cruise in case you’re invited to sit at the captain’s table.
Margot Robbie’s Chanel glittery top and white skirt was the perfect meshing of simplicity with sparkle. Her hair is starting to verge on Heath Ledger’s in Two Hands.
Nicole Kidman did what she does best: A timeless structural sheath in a bold color with matching lip and shoe. Very 1990s perfume bottle.
Naomi Watts was slinky but looked like she was passing a gall stone in a beautiful, classy and joyless dress.
Jodie Comer was divisive. I love it, but this trapeze dress falls into the ‘man repeller’ category – high fashion and modest, with perfect hair and jewellery and clashing fuschia sandals. I’m leaving my husband for you (he suggested it.)
Cate Blanchett always pushes the slightly unhinged envelope and this is classic her, with intricate empire line bodice, seashell sleeves and great platforms instead of those wispy sandals everyone else adores.
At least Jennifer Aniston gave up her usual red carpet sheath for a more kicky exaggerated mermaid look. But the black, the strapless … same old, same old. Still, let’s have lunch and talk Brad.
Phoebe Waller-Bridge rocked a Ralph & Russo sparkly plaid suit that yelled ‘I am powerful and talented and very cool’.
Reese Witherspoon gave up her traditional girly thing and looked impeccable, with her slicked hair and womanly silhouette. Tick!
Awkwafina, in head to toe couture Dior, could have looked like the head waitress in a Paris restaurant but instead was sophisticated and kind of untouchable.
Charlize Theron came as a Big Bash player. Super bad.
Speaking of, let’s just remember that Gwyneth Paltrow is a world famous arbiter of taste. Yes! In a mud brown genie ensemble with bared midriff, sheer-tiered skirt and big matching pants. Clearly lost a bet.
Renee Zellweger bored everyone during her acceptance speech but the lady knew how to dress her very toned arms in a no gimmicks, safe powder blue sheath and matching pump. I actually prefer Gwyneth.
Cynthia Erivo was a lesson in why a smile is your best accessory. Plus her custom Thom Browne tuxedo dress (which took 800 hours to make) and $4 million worth of jewels was perfectly cut, fun and hot.
Little Women director Greta Gerwig went for severe hair, a choker (please say they’re back) and strapless sheath with glitzy side detailing.
Head turner Joey King was a walking optical illusion, flagging she won’t be doing safe this awards season. One to watch.
No wonder Gillian Anderson looked concerned: She’d jacked Blanchett’s hair and Witherspoon’s dress, just not quite as successfully.
Zoey Deutch was the epitome of highly prepared effortless style. Adore.
Oh, Dakota Fanning. Those childish puffy sleeves are hard to look at. Unflattering waistline. Colour that washes you out. This is so not good.
“I’m a little bit of a mess, can you tell?” asked Globes debutante Ana de Armas in custom Ralph & Russo with “a little” Tiffany. Actually, no.
Kirsten Dunst’s pink lace was lovely and appropriate.
My dying wish will be to winch Sofia Vergara out of her beloved mermaid and into a short shift. She looks amazing but dress and bag are hideous.
Saoirse Ronan was unfussed goals. Oh, those long ago braless days.
Yes, Olivia Colman. What I call ‘correct’ dressing. Superb.
Zoe Kravitz equals chic, especially in hard-to-do spots.
Rachel Weisz borrowed one of Aniston’s old frocks and looked good.
Scarlett Johnasson was both Kidman Lite and Leading Lady Mandatory Train. Struggled.
Shailene Woodley looked fresh from a working holiday at Jupiters on the Gold Coast.
Michelle Williams teamed her trademark morose expression with yet another wonderful, original dress.
Did Kerry Washington stay the right side of obviously sexy?
Isla Fisher was heaven, from colour to cut to insouciant attitude.
Sienna Miller had come straight from stand-up paddle boarding at Venice Beach. Intervention territory.
Laura Dern was on Isla’s team, making high glamour look laid back. It’s a skill.
Kaitlyn Dever went bold. Most young stars stick with safe or flash the flesh but this nominee went statement with print and shape. Well done.
Rooney Mara’s gothic costumey thing has cast me into such depression that if I wasn’t leaving my husband for Jodie Comer I would order him to mix a spirit-reviving cocktail.
Salma Hayek played to her strengths in bathers worn over a skirt that looked commissioned from a Bangkok tailor.
Billy Porter, if you want to keep doing head turning, do it well. The feathered cape is daggy.