Entertainment Style Clueless blokes respond to the Brownlow gowns
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Clueless blokes respond to the Brownlow gowns

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Each and every year, the supportive women in the lives of the nation’s AFL players put hours of effort into their appearance on the Browlow red carpet.

While the focus should be on the winner, more often than not it’s stolen by the flurry of fashion that takes place before the ceremony.

• The bold and the beautiful: all the Brownlow red carpet arrivals
Gallery: the 2015 Dally M Awards red carpet

Our picks for best dressed of the evening were Sarah Dunn (Jarryd Roughead’s partner), Brittany Davis (Joel Selwood’s partner), Lyndall Mitchell (Sam Mitchell’s wife) and Justine Murphy (Robert Murphy’s wife). All of them were unique and elegant.

Left-right: Lyndall Mitchell, Brittany Davis, Sarah Dunn and Justine Murphy.
Left-right: Lyndall Mitchell, Brittany Davis, Sarah Dunn and Justine Murphy.

However, for the sartorially challenged the distinction between fashion triumph and fashion faux pas can be a little harder to define.

In fact, an architectural, high-fashion piece worth thousands of dollars might just translate to “looks like a curtain”.

To prove our point, we present our style peanut gallery: James, 31, Davey, 24, Damo, 38, and Stefan, 24.

They have no idea what they’re doing and they’re proud of it.

Here’s their take on some of the most striking gowns of the night…

Nadia Bartel

AFL BROWNLOW RED CARPET

James: Curtain-y.

Damo: Classy.

Davey: The length is ideal for the heavily pregnant woman or the party goer that wants to resemble a cloud.

Stefan: What a well-dressed mother to be! Really beautiful.

Clementine McVeigh

AFL BROWNLOW RED CARPET

Damo: It looks very uncomfortable.

James: A bit shiny but fine.

Davey: The neckline and scalp-peeling tight hair really show off her impressive neck.

Stefan: Very classic. I would take her home to meet my mother.

Rebeccah Panozza

2015 Brownlow Medal

James: This has a fishing net vibe.

Davey: Resembles a Galvanised Mesh fence.

Stefan: Looks like she’s ready for the pool.

Damo: A bit much.

Samantha Briant

2015 Brownlow Medal

James: That’s quite good.

Damo: My favourite so far.

Davey: Pretty stock-standard dress. Picked a winner in my opinion.

Stefan: Really like this one. She looks like she’s genuinely enjoying herself.

Jordan Paplia

2015 Brownlow Medal

Damo: Modern and different. It suits her well.

James: How come she only gets one sleeve?

Davey: Flashing the shoulder is always a good idea.

Stefan: Would definitely make me do a double take.

Rebecca Judd

2015 Brownlow Medal

Damo: Very elegant and she pulls it off nicely.

James: What a rare and elegant design! A real beauty.

Davey: A richly decorated transparent piece that looks like she’s spent $76 at the craft shop and stuck it to her body.

Stefan: A combo between Egyptian goddess and my grandmother’s curtains.

Jessie Habermann

2015 Brownlow Medal

Damo: Not sure about the wedding dress theme.

James: Good until you get to the bottom bit.

Davey: Fully sick. Floor-scraping and street-sweeping. 9/10.

Stefan: Not very practical. She wouldn’t be helpful in a crisis.

Sarah Dunn
2015 Brownlow Medal

Damo: Classy and oriental in one, I like it.

James: Now THIS I like. I want to wear this.

Davey: Very oriental.

Stefan: I don’t think I like it.

Pip Marques
2015 Brownlow Medal

Damo: Not a fan of the stripes.

James: Love the stripes. Not so sure about the knuckle-duster though.

Davey: Very daring and original … they’re called onesies yeah?

Stefan: I can see her undies, is that intentional?

Abbie Noonan

2015 Brownlow Medal

Damo: Don’t really like it.

James: Reminds me of a classic English dessert called Angel Delight  and that’s not really a good thing.

Davey: Resembles a wedding cake.

Stefan: I think pink is for the nightclub, not the red carpet.

Britt Nicholas

2015 Brownlow MedalDamo: It suits her.

James: I’d be uncomfortable if I had to wear that to a party but she seems very happy.

Davey: I think she put this on backwards.

Stefan: Love it.

Taylor Wilson

2015 Brownlow Medal

James: Dynamic. I’m getting a feeling of motion. Like The Matrix.

Damo: I like the ready to party look.

Davey: 10/10 great work.

Stefan: WTF?

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