Entertainment People EXCLUSIVE: The Ferguson Report interviews Extinction Rebellion’s fire-pram baby
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EXCLUSIVE: The Ferguson Report interviews Extinction Rebellion’s fire-pram baby

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Tim Ferguson dishes up the week in fake news. Photo: TND
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PRAM BURNERS SPIT THE DUMMY

On Tuesday, Extinction Rebellion protesters outside Parliament House set fire to a baby’s pram, saving the world from climate change.

An Extinction Rebel said, “Organising a cohesive movement to form a political party that creates effective change by democratic means is too much hassle!”

A government hoity-toity type tut tutted, “Defacing marble columns will not be tolerated. A stiff prison sentence should wipe the smiles of defaces.”

One lazy protester superglued herself to the pavement to avoid marching.  Another dislocated her shoulder when she tried to give the finger to a police officer while her arm was glued to the road.

A scientist claimed Extinction Rebellion is nothing new. “Rebelling against extinction is what every species does all the time.”

A climate change sceptic said, “The whole thing could be solved by manufacturing asbestos prams.”

‘THE FERGUSON REPORT’ EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE BABY WHO SET FIRE TO HER PRAM

TFR: Why did you do it?

BABY: Mild annoyance! Slight inconvenience! These are our weapons!

TFR: What did burning your pram symbolise?

BABY: My pram was made of hard plastics, polyethylene and polyvinyl chloride. So, it spewed black and noxious smoke as a protest against black and noxious smoke. It’s complicated.

TFR: What are your priorities?

BABY: Climate change before nappy change!  [PAUSE]  Actually… swap that.

TFR: And the future?

BABY: When my grandchildren ask me, “What did you do in the rebellion against extinction?” I will tell them I burnt my pram.

And they will ask, “Did it save the world?”And I will say, “Shut up and row the boat.”

GEORGE CHRISTENSEN REBUKED AFTER FAILURE OF FIRST BUKE

Parliament threw the buke at MP George Christensen after he claimed COVID “has a survivability rate of 997 out of 1000. That’s inevitable and we have to accept it”.

Christensen’s electorate of Dawson has a population of 156,313 people, .3 percent of which is 468 people who have yet to accept it.

The Prime Minister, whose government is holding on by the seat of Christensen‘s pants, sharply excoriated him with a furious wink and thumbs-up.

The MP said he speaks for all Queenslanders, as most of them can’t string a sentence together.

EMISSION IMPOSSIBLE

Ducking the latest Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report PM Scott Morrison said, “The developing world accounts for two-thirds of global emissions.”

But when asked “Who is selling them coal?” Morrison pointed at his rear end and said he would look into it.

In other news …

  • GLOBAL DAY OF PRAYER TO END ATHEISM PROVES GOD’S SENSE OF HUMOUR
  • MAN IN THE MOON TO BE RENAMED THEY IN THE MOON
  • ADDICT GRATEFUL ILLEGAL DRUGS ARE STILL GST-FREE
  • TOUGH AUSSIE LARRIKIN SCARED OF VACCINES, 5G, OWN SHADOW
  • SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE OR BOTH

Tim Ferguson is a widely acclaimed comedian, writer, TV host, and a member of the Doug Anthony Allstars. You can follow him on Twitter at @RealTimFerguson

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