With Christmas approaching, it’s normal that we spend time thinking of what might make the perfect gift for others. Here’s my thoughts on what some of the nation’s key players might find under their Christmas tree.
Daniel Andrews: A holiday. A visit with his mum. A midday nap. Or possibly, all three depending on how you see his 2020 non-stop media briefings. An online course in how security guards should do their job might not go astray either.
Scott Morrison: If a week is a long time in politics, a year is an eternity. Pilloried for holidaying in Hawaii while Australia burned, and shunned by firemen, and voters, on his return, he’s used our year like no other to mount a powerful comeback. He deserves a holiday too, but perhaps he should ask for one of Victoria’s tourism vouchers and stay on local soil.
Barnaby Joyce: A few books, crossing the divide between climate change and toddlers. Perhaps The Uninhabitable Earth: A story of the Future, By David Wallace-Wells. Or Losing Earth: The Decade We Could Have Stopped Climate Change, by Nathaniel Rich. Toddler Taming, by Dr Christopher Green, might also come in handy.
Gladys Berejiklian: Those unkind folk might suggest a Tinder membership, but I think she’d be stoked to have a courteous phone call from her colleague in Queensland Annastacia Palaszczuk, who’s made it clear she doesn’t like talking to the NSW Premier. A COVID-free NSW Christmas would also be welcome.
Alan Joyce: The prime ministership for one day. Imagine the changes he’d make in everything from equal opportunity to discrimination law to tourism and aviation. A busy Christmas. Open borders. A vaccine for all aboard.
Eddie McGuire: Supporters of other AFL teams might suggest retirement as Collingwood president at the end of this year, not next. But in the spirit of giving, here’s to a Collingwood premiership, on Victorian soil.
George Pell: Humility. A sense of forgiveness. A home in Rome, not Australia.
Celeste Manno’s family: Peace and power. Peace to grieve a daughter we’d all be proud to call our own. And power to change laws and regulations and outdated practices that mean women like Celeste are killed too often by someone who should have been stopped previously.
James Packer: A year free of legal dramas and inquiries, a buoyant share price and good mental health.
Ash Barty: An Australian Open, in February, where she goes “to infinity and beyond’’. Disney parties with her niece. And the No.1 after her name, in a year’s time.
Steve Smith: The Australian captaincy.
Victorian Racing Club: A crowd of more than 50 at next year’s Melbourne Cup – which should be won by an Australian horse. If that’s too expensive, perhaps NSW could stop raising prize-money and hijacking the big races.
Josh Frydenberg: A piggy bank. He’s going to need it.
Craig Bellamy: For Cameron Smith to play one more year.
Joe Biden: A Trump-free presidency. The White House. The Oval Office.
Cameron Smith: For people to stop asking him if he’s retiring.
Paul Kelly: It might not taste the same, but a new gravy recipe. With flour, salt, a little red wine – and don’t forget dollop of tomato sauce for sweetness and that extra tang.
Gillon McLachlan: A return to Melbourne for the AFL Grandfinal, and less.
Richmond Football Club: For Dustin Martin to play forever.
Kathy Jackson: It could be argued that the former Health Services Union boss has already had her present delivered early; a get-out-of-jail free card.
The New Daily readers: Health. Happiness. And a safe 2021.