Australian entrepreneur Zoë Foster Blake has imparted some wisdom about her marriage to comedian Hamish Blake, sharing how a cheating scandal changed her world.
Speaking on the How To… Life podcast, Foster Blake said the “trauma” of infidelity could be viewed as an opportunity to uncover deeper issues within the relationship and grow as a couple.
“We forget that cheating is usually the very, very tip of the iceberg – it’s symptomatic,” she said.
“Things weren’t healthy the way they were, things needed to be addressed and that bomb was thrown to make you see that.
“If you do cheat on someone, telling them can often just be a way for you to allay your guilt, and you’re literally packaging up the pain and passing it on to someone else who can never un-feel or un-know that.”
The 40-year-old said while she had been betrayed in the past, she had no concerns her husband would ever be unfaithful.
“We are rock solid and we don’t have the threat of infidelity and I really believe that,” Foster Blake said.
“I have this idea of the ‘one-chancer’, which is the person that you would only ever want, and you would know you would only ever have, one chance with.
“So that is to say, if your husband ever cheated on you, he’s used his one chance.
“The way I feel about my husband, for example, is that he’s my one-chancer. I would never mess with that and I wouldn’t risk it.”
And while Foster Blake said she once considered infidelity the ultimate relationship killer, sharing a marriage and children with Blake has given her more perspective.
“I love the idea that you can choose to see infidelity as not the end,” she said.
“If you both cheat, does that clean the slate? No one is on a higher horse.”
Happily ever after …
The writer, relationship expert and beauty guru met Blake at a media event when they were in their early 20s, but a romance wouldn’t blossom between the two for close to 10 years.
Like a true rom-com, the pair started as friends and supported one another through life’s milestones, including the breakdown of their respective relationships.
The strong foundation of friendship, Foster Blake said, is one of the reasons their relationship is so healthy.
In 2012, the couple tied the knot and soon after welcomed their children, Sonny, 6, and Rudy, 3.
Foster Blake used her knowledge of relationships to create the Break-Up Boss app, aimed to coach people through the emotional turmoil of a break-up.
But it was an unfortunate past experience with an unfaithful partner that encouraged Foster Blake to reassess her attitudes towards other women.
“I had a relationship in my 20s where it turned me against women,” she said.
“And it’s such a strange and emotionally juvenile way to go against your competitor rather that the person who betrayed you and made that decision,” she said.
“And this bulls–t idea that women are inherently competitive with each other and we’re all scratching and fighting over the one man is ridiculous. I had to relearn to love the sisterhood again.”