Beyoncé has revealed how difficult her path to motherhood was and said multiple miscarriages she suffered before welcoming Blue Ivy, her first child with husband Jay-Z, gave her a “gift” she didn’t expect.
“Success looks different to me now. I learned that all pain and loss is in fact a gift,” the star, 38, told Elle magazine’s January edition in a super personal cover story.
“Having miscarriages taught me that I had to mother myself before I could be a mother to someone else.”
As well as Blue, who turns eight in January, music’s power couple also share twins Sir and Rumi, 2.
The first photo of them, cradled in their famous mother’s arms in a floral bower, nearly broke the internet and drew over 10 million Instagram likes.
But for the Formation singer, success goes way, way beyond fame.
After her first baby was born, “the quest for my purpose became so much deeper,” Beyoncé said.
“I died and was reborn in my relationship, and the quest for self became even stronger.”
Now, “It’s difficult for me to go backwards,” Beyoncé said.
“Being ‘No.1’ was no longer my priority. My true win is creating art and a legacy that will live far beyond me. That’s fulfilling.”
The star opened up when a fan asked via Instagram if she was “disappointed” her album Lemonade (which lost to Adele’s 25 at the 2017 Grammys) and Emmy-nominated documentary Homecoming didn’t win more accolades.
“I began to search for deeper meaning when life began to teach me lessons I didn’t know I needed,” Beyoncé said.
Some of those lessons? How to run a household and family in synch with a turbocharged career whose latest incarnation is a gender-neutral Ivy Park x Adidas collaboration line.
Everyday life for the businesswoman means “balancing work and life” is “the most stressful thing” for her, she told Elle.
“Making sure I am present for my kids – dropping Blue off at school, taking Rumi and Sir to their activities, making time for date nights with my husband and being home in time to have dinner with my family – all while running a company can be challenging.”
Juggling “all of those roles” can be tough, “but I think that’s life for any working mom,” Beyoncé said.
Despite her candidness about her lost pregnancies, the star said questions about babies pushes her buttons more than anything.
The one internet question she hates hearing?
“Are you pregnant?’” she said. “Get off my ovaries!”
Still, despite the fascination of strangers with her fertility and appearance, Beyoncé said she’s never been more confident about her body.
“If someone told me 15 years ago that my body would go through so many changes and fluctuations, and that I would feel more womanly and secure with my curves, I would not have believed them,” she told Elle.
“But children and maturity have taught me to value myself beyond my physical appearance and really understand that I am more than enough no matter what stage I’m at in life.
“Giving zero f—s is the most liberating place to be.”
Beyoncé also admitted that despite their estimated shared fortune of $2.049 billion, she and Jay-Z, 50, don’t really get out much to spend it.
“The last time I went to a supermarket, it was more like a bodega before a Madonna concert,” she said when a fan asked about her shopping habits.
“Jay and I snuck into one and bought some Cuervo and Funyuns chips. And … y’all know you see me at Target and I see y’all trying to sneak pics.”