Two days before her wedding to a tequila executive – “the second royal wedding in a year”, as the tabloids relentlessly trumpet it – Princess Eugenie was looking noticeably thinner.
Hello magazine suggested this was because of her winning workout strategies. Whatever the truth about her waistline, one thing is for sure – her guest list is slowly vanishing.
Where the lead-up to Meghan and Harry’s wedding was abuzz with the Hollywood heaviness of the guest list, the coverage of Eugenie’s wedding to a reportedly always-cheerful Jack Brooksbank is all about royal snubs and possible no-shows.
Bad blood from the days of Diana?
Firstly, Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, wasn’t coming because of a “prior obligation” to attend two school events. On the eve of the wedding, the UK Telegraph revealed this was tosh, with an insider blabbing that Camilla is staying home to hang out with friends, and maybe go shooting.
The Telegraph suggested the snub is payback because Eugenie’s mother, Sarah Ferguson, was a loyal supporter of the late Princess Di.
Princes Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, will make up his mind on the morning whether or not to attend – apparently his default setting because he’s 97 and never sure if his current heartbeat will be his last. (We’re hoping that he and his colourful personality will be on deck).
The Queen’s cousin, Prince Edward, the Duke of Kent, 83, will skip the ceremony at St George’s Chapel, Windsor Castle, in order to attend the Military Rehabilitation Headley Court Gala Dinner in London, but will drop into the reception.
Hardly a major hiccup, but it seems to have spawned a panic of possibilities.
Possible baby born as the princess says “I do”
Pippa Middleton is set to have a baby any day now – and the only breaking waters allowed at a wedding are of the happily tearful kind. But if Pippa goes into labour, then sister Kate is bound to abandon the celebrations and spend the day urging “her royal hotness” to breathe, breathe!
Meanwhile, Prince Harry and bride Meghan Sparkle are said to be leaving the reception early, to pack their bags ahead of their trip to Australia.
Saving the day, though, are those little publicity hounds Princess Charlotte and Prince George, who are playing at bridesmaid and pageboy.
Popstar Robbie Williams’ daughter Theodora, aged six, will also be a bridesmaid. Given Theodora is carefully kept out of the public eye, the paparazzi will go nuts. This suggests another reason why Eugenie has slimmed down her ankles… it’s where the camera’s will be focused.
Many posh people you’ve never heard of
The other bridesmaids will be Peter and Autumn Phillips’ daughters Savannah and Isla, Zara Tindall’s four-year-old handful Mia, and Eugenie’s goddaughter Maud Windsor.
Prince George, five, will be joined by fellow page boy Louis de Givenchy, six, son of JP Morgan banking executive Olivier de Givenchy and wife Zoe.
The Queen’s youngest grandchildren, Lady Louise Mountbatten-Windsor, 14, and Viscount Severn, 10, who are the children of the Earl and Countess of Wessex, will take on the role of Special Attendants.
Jack Brooksbank has recruited brother Thomas to be his best man, while Eugenie’s older sister Princess Beatrice will be her maid of honour.
Very exciting, but the world may not see much at all because Storm Callum is expected to hit the UK on Friday – and much of the day could get washed out.
At least there’s the cake. “400 Eggs! 44 Lbs of Sugar!” blurted People magazine. If Eugenie comforts herself with a few extra slices, we say: you go girl.