Entertainment Celebrity ‘This kid has STDs’: Justin Bieber skewered
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‘This kid has STDs’: Justin Bieber skewered

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It’s perhaps one of the most sought after gigs in the entertainment industry – an opportunity to stand in front of a live audience and skewer petulant pop wonder kid Justin Bieber.

Dreams came true for a select few stars who were chosen to appear in the Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber, a pre-planned skewering with Bieber himself was in attendance.

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Those who got the chance to tease the 21-year-old – including Martha Stewart, Ludacris and Will Ferrell in character as Anchorman‘s Ron Burgundy – didn’t waste the opportunity, grilling him over evertything from his ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez to his rumoured drug use and penchant for urinating in public places.

Throughout the show, which will be broadcast on the Comedy Channel on March 31, Bieber sat on stage while his ‘Beliebers’ on Twitter went into a mixture of meltdown and manic defence.

Things got even weirder when Biebs brought “the love of his life,” onto the stage – a stunt monkey posing as his infamous pet monkey Mally, whom he was forced to abandon in Germany in 2013.

At night’s end Bieber got his right of reply, delivering his own jokes to some of the roasters but also apologising for his behaviour in the past.

The Canadian pop-star said he hoped to regain people’s trust and be someone to be “proud of” in the future.

“There was really no preparing me for this life. I was thrown into this at 12. The things I have done don’t define who I am,” Bieber said.

“I am in a moment of change, we’re turning a new leaf here.”

Here are some of the best one-liners:

Basketballer Shaquille O’Neal

“Justin as a father of six you have to straighten up, son. Last year, you were ranked the fifth most-hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn’t rank that high. And he uses your music to torture people.”

Comedian Kevin Hart

“Selena Gomez couldn’t be here tonight. Just because she didn’t want to be here.”

Even Martha Stewart got into the roasting.
Even Martha Stewart got into the roasting. Photo: Getty

Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy

“Justin Bieber is a full-grown man who works and loves and makes things with his hands. He sings to 9-year-olds and his hair is like a gay figure skater.”

“This kid has spunk, moxie and probably a few other STDs.”

Home guru Martha Stewart

“You need to settle down, bring some balance into your life.

“Find yourself the right gal, but she’s going to have to be really special, someone on your level, someone powerful and famous and rich.

“Someone you can smoke a joint with or engage in the occasional three-way.

“I’m talking about a player in the boardroom and a freak in the bedroom.

“So Justin, my final piece of advice is call me.”

Rapper Ludacris

“He may have turned 21, but Justin will always be a baby to me. Since babies (urinate) everywhere and never know when to shut up.”

Comedian Chris D’Elia

“You have it all, except for respect, love, friends and a Grammy.”

Rapper Snoop Dogg

“Justin, you’re so pretty, when inmates see your mug shot, they swipe right.”

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