Entertainment The Ferguson Report: Robodebt’s latest fine mess
Updated:

The Ferguson Report: Robodebt’s latest fine mess

Tim Ferguson dishes up the week in fake news. Photo: TND
Share
Twitter Facebook Reddit Pinterest Email

GOVT DEFENDS ROBODEBT AS ‘BARELY LEGAL’

The wig–wearing hoons of the High Court have ruled robodebt repo-marauding illegal.

However, Attorney General Christian Porter admitted to the outsiders on Insiders that robodebt was “legally insufficient” and “had no lawful basis” while insisting it’s not illegal. Presumably, he didn’t go to law school.

Porter refused to say ‘Sorry’ for the torment and suffering caused as it would imply he was sorry.

It’s a clear case of the government biting the hand of those who can’t feed themselves.

Victims of the scheme look forward to the miniseries, Robodebt – It’s Payback Time.

A jurisimprudent wearing an Armani lawsuit said, “It all comes down to the fine print. We print it. You pay the fine.”

THE GOOGLE BUGLE

Google Australia has refused to pay Australian media companies $600m a year for using their news content because nothing newsworthy happens in Australia.

A sleek geek drinking a skinny soy Maserati said, “To keep the media game fair, we made the media fair game.”

News, Nine, Seven and Ten will send a stern email as soon as they get their JobKeeper payments.

GOVT UP THE DUFF WITH ALGORITHM METHOD

The Morrison government continues to delegate decisions to algorithms, despite the complete fudge-ups of Jobkeeper’s $60 billion, Robodebt’s $750 million and COVIDsafe’s app gap.

A spokeswoman speaking through a brick wall said, “Algorithms don’t count.” She quickly subtracted the statement.

Algorithms provide cheap labour, but the costs are enormous. A numbers man who stated that algorithms are incapable of error was just adding insult to perjury.

SUPER BLOOPERS

Emergency access to superannuation during the COVID-19 crisis has triggered some Australians to splash their super cash on gambling, alcohol and takeaway food.

A drunk, obese betting man slurred, “I love free money, especially when I earned it myself. Boozing, betting and burgers, what better way to spend your retirement, literally.”

An inebriated big spender said, “It’s money well spent!” correction… “It’s money, well, spent.”

EGG ON CARDBOARD FACES

The NRL ‘Fans in the Stand’ initiative of selling spots for cardboard faces in the crowd has been vigorously scrubbed after a venue accidentally inserted the face of an English serial killer.

The image of the serial killer was confiscated by police, but it’ll never stand up in court.

A player said, “The whole thing is offensive – the English prefer soccer.”

In other news…

  • US INSTITUTIONAL RACISM RETURNING TO NORMAL INTOLERABLE LEVELS
  • CONSPIRACIST CLAIMS LIZARD PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO
  • PEOPLE WHO HAVE $150,000 TO SPEND ON RENOVATIONS WERE GOING TO VOTE LIBERAL ANYWAY
  • QUEENSLAND BORDERS ON THE RIDICULOUS
  • ‘HOMEBUILDER’ INITIATIVE RENAMED ‘CARPORTS RORTS’