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Beale, texts and a woman’s fear of speaking out

Adam Ashley-Cooper didn't want to take sides over the incident. Photo: Getty

Adam Ashley-Cooper didn't want to take sides over the incident. Photo: Getty

The Kurtley Beale text message affair is about respect.

Or lack thereof.

There are conflicting stories concerning how much coach Ewen McKenzie knew about the offensive text messages Beale inadvertently sent to former Wallabies business manager Di Patston.

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McKenzie has been forced to deny rumours of a personal relationship with Patston and she has been subjected to a barrage of scrutiny about her life and work history.

Patston could be the daughter of the devil but she doesn’t deserve to be humiliated.

Kurtley Beale's days with the Wallabies could be numbered. Photo: Getty

Kurtley Beale’s days with the Wallabies could be numbered. Photo: Getty

What we do know is Patston was upset by the images and has since resigned due to stress.

Beale has been stood down and will face an Australian Rugby Union conduct committee next week.

It’s a sad state of affairs for both parties.

In a series of text messages between the two in the hours after the incident, Beale begged for forgiveness. Patston agreed to give him a second chance and not show the texts to McKenzie or the ARU.

Gender asbestos – it’s hidden in the walls, cultures and mindsets of organisations. It’s toxic.

She had every right to expose the cruel nature of the messages but she chose not to initially.

Why? Because it’s a cross women bear when they break into the boys’ club. To fit in women sometimes have to bury their values deep.

Women make decisions every day about whether or not to respond to inappropriate behaviour at work. Women have to weigh up the consequences of speaking out. What damage will it do to my career? Will I be seen as a victim, precious, too politically correct or troublemaker?

These questions are weightier when you’re the lone woman in a testosterone-charged environment carrying the hopes of other women who want to follow in your footsteps.

This part of the exchange between Beale and Patston resonated with me:

“Do you realise the situation you’ve put me in? I have earned this job and I am proud of being a female at this level. If I complain then I make it hard for women in rugby,” Patston said.

Adam Ashley-Cooper didn't want to take sides over the incident. Photo: Getty

Adam Ashley-Cooper didn’t want to take sides over the incident. Photo: Getty

Her response encapsulates how many women feel when they reach a position of power and influence in a male-dominated field.

The last thing you want to do is fail.

The passing around of demeaning text messages is all part of what Sex Discrimination Commissioner Elizabeth Broderick calls “gender asbestos”.

It’s hidden in the walls, cultures and mindsets of organisations. It’s toxic.

To shift attitudes Broderick approached the most powerful men in the country to join the fight for gender equality in the workplace with her “Male Champions of Change” initiative.

“What we need to do is recognise where power sits in this country, and that is clearly in the hands of men. So if we want to move to a model where power is shared, we need to work with those who hold it,” Broderick said.

Sport needs men to become champions of change – it’s crying out for it.

“I don’t condone what’s gone on but I think at the end of the day he’s a friend of mine and his welfare is important to me,” Wallabies vice-captain Adam Ashley-Cooper said about Beale.

Ashley-Cooper should be praised for not turning a blind eye to the heart of the matter while still supporting his teammate.

Season after season there are examples of appalling behaviour towards women in our football codes. Too often players fail to understand the ramifications of their actions. Any small steps towards accepting responsibility can only help build a more respectful culture.

I hope Beale continues to play for Australia. He has the potential to offer so much to the game and the community. People deserve to learn from their mistakes.

But strong men, real men, take a stand.

They tackle the real problem.


THE TEXTS

News Corp reported that Beale sent photographs of nude, overweight women accompanied by the words “Would you hit it?” and “Di”, and “Di who wants a go ….?”.

Patston replied: I am sitting here in the team room doing my job and I can’t stop crying. What did I do to you? You have barely known me a day. I can’t stop crying I am so humiliated by this. Don’t you think my job is hard enough without this? This is how the only female staff member is treated? I am so embarrassed by this I am leaving for my room I can’t stop crying thanks a lot.”

Beale: I was layin on my bed I didn’t send it to anyone I sent it to myself. Youve done nothing wrong youve been so good to me & your such a lovely lady. We all see how hard you work for us. I just do stupid things for no reason. I was laying here getting ready for lunch & training mucking around. I hate I have done this to you & I am so sorry di.

Patston: Leave me alone please. I’ve come to my room. The team room is full of players I know you’ve sent it on to them but I’ll never know to who. Just leave me alone this is not ok. Do you realise the situation you’ve put me in? I have earned this job and I am proud of being a female at this level. If I complain then I make it hard for women in Rugby and it puts the reputation of the entire squad at stake. Do you realise the situation I am? Just leave me alone please. I don’t want to hear from you until my distress has settled.

Beale: Ok I feel so bad.

Patston: You may feel bad but if you did not accidentally send them to me how many more would there be? Are you sorry you did it or just sorry you got caught? Think about that.

Beale: I just don’t know what to do. I’m so sorry.

Patston: Glad we got the chance to catch up and talk it through. I wanted you to look me in the eyes and realise I am a person a mum, wife and daughter (all those things we discussed) and how they would feel seeing what you sent me. I’ll never know who you sent them to or why; but everyone deserves a chance. You were clearly upset and showed remorse which I am for. I hope you can move on from this with a greater respect for treating people the right way. As I said, I won’t be telling Ewen, or the ARU as you are entitled to one mistake and be a better person for it. I hope this is your moment and you gain a greater respect for the people here doing a job for you and the rest of the team. Let’s move on from this and start anew. No need to talk about it any further. Di.

Beale: I can’t believe your not going to tell Ewen or the ARU this means so much to me & I have learned my lesson I promise you. You have been very kind to me di and I’ll never do anything like this again. Seeing you so upset hurt me I couldn’t deal with it. You have my respect & deserve better you do so much for us & work so hard. Wish I could take it back. Thankyou di.

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