News National The Ferguson Report: The big blue by Patriot Blue
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The Ferguson Report: The big blue by Patriot Blue

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PAULINE PUTIN ON THE RITZ

Pauline Hanson’s ‘Dingbattler Bus’ has broken down. As she waited for Malcolm Roberts to fix it, the Leader of the One Nation Front took time to praise Russian President Vladimir Putin.

“I respect the man,” she said without smirking.

“The people love him,” she added without rolling her eyes.

“He is doing so well for the country,” she said without eating her own head in embarrassment.

Senator Hanson was asked how she can heap praise on the man who leads the nation partly blamed for shooting down flight MH17.

She said, “Did he push the button?”

On this basis, the ghosts of Pol Pot, Hitler and Stalin sat up in their graves to proclaim their innocence.

The Dingbattler Bus has whipped up a frothy frenzy among the squinting knee-jerkers known as ‘real Queenslanders’.

NO DEAL OR NO DEAL

US President Donald Trump has urged North Korean leader Kim Jong-un to “make a deal” on nuclear disarmament.

Mr Trump introduced 20 models in skimpy dresses to present suitcases. Each suitcase was filled with riches in exchange for Kim abandoning his nuclear arsenal.

Each suitcase also contained the assassination of Kim Jong-un by his generals for betraying his homeland.

“No deal,” said Kim.

PATRIOT BLUE BLUE

Senator Sam Dastyari has been publicly harassed by men whose ancestors arrived in Australia shortly before his did.

The men filmed the event, presumably so they can sue themselves for racial harassment later.

They called the senator, who is of Iranian heritage, a “monkey”, a “terrorist” and told him to go home to Iran.

Senator Dastyari joked: “Say hi to Patriots Front from me.”

“Nah, this is Patriot Blue,” one replied. “It’s completely different.”

The differences between the two groups are indeed stark. One group is a gaggle of slack-jawed vizzy-jacketed stick-biters with roomy foreheads.

The other group is a herd of half-damp, pot-bellied squeegee-clutchers. Both groups are comprised of boneless, headless chooks.

JACQUI LAMBIE UNFORTUNATELY 100% AUSSIE

Unfortunately, Senator Jacqui Lambie is likely to be cleared of citizenship doubts. It was hoped the Tasmanian politician (sic) could be a dual citizen due to her father’s Scottishness.

But a spokesman said: “Jacqui is Aussie as the next senator (as long as that senator is not most of the other senators).”

 

More headlines

ABBOTT PRAYING, BUT NOT FOR THAT

PSYCHIC SAW THIS DAY COMING

GOVT MP SAYS MURDER LAWS SHOULD ALSO BE FLEXIBLE

ENGLAND SUDDENLY FEELING LIKE A SMALL ISLAND

NO-VOTER & YES-VOTER STRANGELY ATTRACTED

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