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Man almost arrested for attacking ‘Satan’

“Come on mate, what have you done to her?”

It’s 2am in the Sydney suburb of Wollstonecraft. Several police cars have rushed to a unit, fearing they may be too late to prevent a murder.

The officers have been alerted by multiple calls from concerned neighbours, who called the local station reporting a woman “screaming hysterically”, a man threatening to kill and the sounds of furniture being thrown about.

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Shrieks of “Die! Die!” puncture the morning silence, the neighbours say. “I’m going to kill you!” they claim to have heard.

Police finally arrive, and bang loudly on the door, demanding to be let in.

A man opens “out of breath and rather flushed”, according to the Harbourside Local Area Command. He denies his wife or girlfriend is inside.

Make sure you

Despite best efforts, the identity of the eight-legged Satan remains a mystery. Photo: Getty

“We had a report of a domestic and a woman screaming. Where is she?” the officer demands.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I live alone,” the man reportedly replies.

“Come on mate, people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit,” says the officer.

This is the moment the man admits to a life-and-death struggle, a murderous rage and womanly shrieks of panic … at an arachnid.

Sheepishly, he says: “It was a spider.”

This wondrous tale of mistaken identity, false suspicion and a battle of the ages has swept the globe, even reaching the US. It came from the police Facebook page, where they post weekly humorous news updates.

“As it turns out, the male was chasing a rather large spider around the unit with a can of Mortein. After a very long pause, some laughter and a quick look in the unit to make sure there was no injured party (apart from the spider) we left,” the Harbourside LAC posted online.

Still no word of what kind of spider was involved. But we hope, for the man’s sake, that it was very large indeed.

The author of the Facebook post, which at the time of writing had been liked more than 1000 times and shared more than 400 times, admitted to commenters he shared the man’s fear of the “eight legged satan”.

“I authored the post but I can tell you I am not a fan of spiders at all and have been known to scream like a girl for my wife to come and kill any offending spider,” Jason Anthony wrote via the official police page.

“Even my kids know to call mum and not dad when it comes to the eight legged satan!!!!!”

Do you have your own hilarious — or frightening — spider story? Tell us in the comments below.

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