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Don’t mourn Brangelina’s divorce – they’re nothing special

Angelina and Brad aren't special - they're like any other couple.

Angelina and Brad aren't special - they're like any other couple. Photo: Getty

And so it begins: the inevitable bitterness and damaging claims are starting to emerge in the divorce of Hollywood darlings Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie.

If it drags out long enough, it could get to the point that we’ll forget that Brangelina ever glowed like a twin pulsar in the galaxy of love.

However, it will all come down to the cold numbers: how much money Brad pays Angelina, and how many days a week, if any, he gets to see the kids.

This is the ordinary, ugly and sad reality facing the thousands of Australians who divorce every year.

Over the weeks to come, all manner of rotten things will be said, people (the fans) will take sides, and the truth will be impossible to discern.

So let’s stick to the numbers. They reveal that in many ways Brad and Angelina, as two human beings who had a crack at making a life together, sit comfortably in the statistics.

Open heart surgery has a better survival rate than marriage

There’s an 84 per cent chance you’ll live another 10 years after having your aortic heart valve replaced.

In Australia, about 60 per cent of marriages go the distance, 40 per cent fail. This is based on ABS figures that recorded 121,197 marriages registered and 46,498 divorces granted in 2014.

Psychology Today frequently reports that in the US 50 per cent of first marriages end in divorce. Marriage is one of the few decisions where you’re making an each-way bet on your future.

Brangelina were a thing for 12 years – that’s pretty good isn’t it?

Spookily, according to the ABS, the median duration from marriage to divorce in 2014 was 12 years!

However, maybe Brad should never have put a ring on it in the first place. He and Jolie were only married two years ago, and since then rumours have bubbled away that their love boat was taking on water.

If only they’d trusted the numbers. This was Brad’s second trip down the aisle, and Angelina’s third: Psychology Today notes 67 per cent of second, and 73 per cent of third marriages end in divorce.

It's a miracle they made it past Mr & Mrs Smith.

It’s a miracle they made it past Mr & Mrs Smith.

Don’t tell the children it’s their fault, but….

There’s a paradox here. A 2014 UK study of 5000 people found that couples without children had happier marriages – yet women without children were the least happy with their lives overall. And mothers were happier than any other group.

Brad and Angelina have six children, and it appears Angelina wants sole custody.

An Australian Law Commission analysis of children and the Family Court, found that about one per cent of children can expect to have their parents divorce for each year of life: that is, about five per cent of five year olds, 10 per cent of 10 year olds and 15 per cent of 15 year olds.

In other words, the older kids get, the more likely mum and dad are going to split.

Brangelina's six kids

With six kids, the odds of divorcing were against Brad and Angelina. Photo: Getty

Whoa! Can’t we just blame it on Brad getting old and fat? 

We can. A study from Emory University found that just one year in age difference brings a three per cent greater risk of divorce.

But as the age gap widens, the risk increases exponentially – a five-year gap carries an 18 per cent greater risk, and a 10-year gap makes divorce 39 per cent more likely.

Pitt is 52, Jolie is 41 – an 11-year gap. Taken together with all the other statistical factors, it’s remarkable they got past dinner and a movie.

Maybe Angelina grew tired of Brad's ageing looks? Photo: Getty

Maybe Angelina grew tired of Brad’s ageing looks? Photo: Getty

Regarding Pitt growing fat and hairy – the whispers started in an OK Magazine report that he was chubbing up from too much Mexican food, beer and a reluctance to exercise. But that’s just rumour. Where’s the science?

A study published in the journal Families, Systems & Health – using data from project EAT – found that married men were 25 per cent more likely to become overweight than single men.

And when did Brad reportedly start piling on the pork? Two years ago. Around the time he got married.

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