Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are the “biggest losers” on an annual showbiz list compiled by one of Hollywood’s most respected entertainment heavyweights.

Dubbed by Yale University as “the premier destination and most widely trusted resource for breaking entertainment news, movie and TV reviews” – and more colloquially as the “showbiz bible” – The Hollywood Reporter has let rip on the Duke and Duchess of Sussex for their “whiny” biographies.

With a headline of “The biggest Hollywood winners and losers of 2023: From Margot Robbie to Marvel”, the Sussexes join US Western series Yellowstone, artificial intelligence, the Scream franchise, Disney and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

It was THR’s “brutally honest rundown of who had the best and worst year in entertainment”.

The winners were mostly obvious but need mentioning – Taylor Swift, Oppenheimer director Christopher Nolan, the Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie pairing, horror flicks and video game adaptations including The Last of Us.

One cracker out of left field was the “silver foxes” – male celebs with grey hair who looked handsome on camera this year (we’ll get to that later).

A spokesperson for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle denied they planned to sue South Park‘s producers. Photo: Paramount+

THR gives the Montecino-based former royals – Meghan has just released her latest initiative called The Welcome Project supporting resettled Afghan women – a scathing assessment.

“In 2020, the royal duo fled a life of ceremonial public service to cash in their celebrity status in the States.

“But after a whiny Netflix documentary, a whiny biography (Spare – even the title is a pouty gripe) and an inert podcast, the Harry and Meghan brand swelled into a sanctimonious bubble just begging to be popped – and South Park was the pin,” it wrote.

Known for its satirical spin on celebrities, the adult-rated animation spent 20 minutes taking down Harry and Meghan in a “World-Wide Privacy Tour” skit, parodying their desire for privacy amid global tell-alls.

“[It] was savage, and was followed by Spotify dropping Archetypes [Meghan’s podcast series with celebs including Serena Williams], with a top executive labelling the duo ‘grifters’,” THR added.

Across the board, the excommunicated Californian-based royals had a year of “scorn and mockery”.

Royal commentator Kinsey Schofield claims the Sussexes making the list will have Meghan’s talent agency “scrambling to figure out what their next steps are”, as the couple faces scrutiny over an $US11 million ($17 million) drop in funding for their Archewell charity.

“The Hollywood Reporter [is] basically the bible in this city,” Schofield said.

Brie Larson does her super hero thing in prequel Captain Marvel. Photo: Disney

The other losers

THR says “Disney got pummelled” this year, with stocks trading near a six-year low, its streaming service still in teething mode, becoming a “culture war target” and its boss Bob Iger under fire.

It noted Disney’s usual movie magic seemed to fizzle, from Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny to Haunted Mansion to Wish to The Marvels (which received a separate loser gong as the worst MCU movie ever).

“Disney also managed to become a culture war target, and while it’s tough to say how much of that is the company’s fault, it doesn’t help when your own Snow White star can’t stop telling people how much she hates Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.”

We were totally there for Yellowstone‘s blanket coats and cowboy hats. Photo: Paramount+

America’s most popular TV drama starring Kevin Costner and Kelly Reilly, Yellowstone “was nowhere to be seen amid production delays and infighting”, says THR.

Costner is being replaced by Matthew McConaughey, while creator Taylor Sheridan created a few too many spin-offs for fans’ liking.

“Prematurely packing up a massive flagship that could have run for several more years is a real loss.”

Then there’s the Scream franchise, which THR says started off well at the box office earlier this year … and ended badly after Melissa Barrera was fired for social media posts about the Israel-Hamas war and co-star Jenna Ortego quietly left over a pay dispute.

Original franchise star Neve Campbell also reportedly had pay gap issues.

We also don’t want more AI in movies, even though it has been around for decades, so that’s a loser. And titles embracing diverse actors and narratives got cut last year and throughout 2023, so that’s also on the loser list.

And rounding it out?

Twitter/X/Elon Musk.

“Musk’s management of the social network – one that’s long served as a critical promotional vehicle for studios and talent – has been so disastrous it’s resulted in articles speculating that the otherwise phenomenally successful businessman must be intentionally crashing the bus, because nobody could be this smart and dumb at the same time,” writes THR.

Tweet from @taylorswift13

Bright sparks

Let’s look on the bright side.

Taylor Swift was always going to have a winning year, with her Eras world tour, finding love with American footballer Travis Kelce, constantly being kind to everyone and turning 34.

Margot Robbie made $US50 million for producing and starring in Barbie, and the world fell in love with Jenna Ortega for playing the creepy but cute daughter in Addams Family spin-off, Wednesday.

HBO’s acclaimed video adaptation drama The Last of Us was the talk of the town in January, alongside The Super Mario Bros. Movie in April and Universal’s horror thriller Five Nights at Freddy’s.

Tweet from @SkyCinema

And lastly, THR says the AARP crowd (formerly the American Association for Retired Persons) was “clearly in fashion” as several senior statesmen in Hollywood have had their careers reinvigorated this year.

They all have grey hair and have been dubbed the “silver foxes”.

Gerry Turner, 72, breaking Bachelor franchise ratings records, Dr McDreamy, Patrick Dempsey, 57, being named People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” and ageing action heroes Sylvester Stallone, 77, Harrison Ford, 81, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, 76, turning heads on the red carpet.

Roger Ross Williams made five documentaries, Fran Drescher took the wheel in the US actors’ strike and steered the ship home by negotiation, and Las Vegas got a sphere.