West Australian model Josh has been on a Kamikaze mission with the My Kitchen Rules judges this week.

In previous episodes, when they said one team’s fish was perfectly cooked, he claimed: “I could do better with my eyes closed.”

When they praised a chocolate fondant as “the best ever”, he argued “ours is better”.

And when Pete Evans said “it’s the best piece of meat I’ve had in eight seasons”, Josh observed: “It was overcooked.”

Having watched him cook with his wife Amy on Wednesday night, I have to ask: what planet is he on?

As any self-respecting good Kamikaze pilot would do, he crashed and burned in spectacular style when the competition moved to he and Amy’s instant restaurant.

At the start he was still talking himself up. I lost count of how many times he said the word “confident”.

“I would beat five-star skills,” he claimed.

But there was not a shred of evidence that these two from Broome had any kitchen skills whatsoever.

Their menu was seafood-based – no surprise given that Josh had painted himself as the Seafood King.

Naturally, that didn’t thrill Alyse, who’s known for promising to vomit every time fish is served. (She’s also the partner of Matt, who told Amy that she was punching above her weight in snaring husband Josh.)

For the record, Alyse did finally throw up after eating the main course. Thankfully, not at the table.

Josh and Amy swapped fresh ingredients and ideas for store-bought seasoning. Photo: Channel Seven

Back to the food. How did these two get into the competition?

They sourced amazing, fresh squid to stuff – but what possessed them to serve it with a tomato sauce, whipped up from a tin of diced tomatoes which began cooking at the same time as the squid?

The main was supposed to be barramundi in beer batter, with shoestring fries and tartare sauce. It’s deceptively simple and requires excellent techniques.

The beer batter didn’t make it because it stuck to the fryer basket and the fish sank without a trace when they attempted to deep-fry it in a pan.

They ran out of time to try another cooking method.

Did I mention there was over two hours between courses and that the other participants were “f***ing hungry” at the table?

It was a mad dash to finish the dinner. Photo: Channel Seven

Amy didn’t think to taste the tartare sauce as she was making it, and, when she did, said “it’s not right” and started adding bits and pieces in a failed attempt to fix it.

The fries were served soggy and topped with supermarket-bought, all-purpose seasoning.

“That’s not what cooking is about,” Pete said.

The Cape Brandy pudding produced faint praise, although was overly soaked in brandy and did not have enough cream. Thankfully, Manu managed to call it a “good pudding”.

“It’s a simple dessert,” he said. “Simple is where you need to start.”

Josh and Amy were both in tears and deeply apologetic by the end.  Josh called the night his worst meal ever and his fish “a shipwreck”.

Nothing more to say really, except that they are, of course, at the bottom of this week’s leaderboard by a country mile. Rightly so.