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Hefner’s ex reveals dark side of Playboy Mansion

Madison (far right) poses with Hefner and fellow girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson (left) and Bridget Marquardt (centre). Photo: Getty

Madison (far right) poses with Hefner and fellow girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson (left) and Bridget Marquardt (centre). Photo: Getty

Holly Madison, Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriend, has revealed she thought about drowning herself while living with the Playboy magnate.

Madison, who lived in the mansion from 2001 to 2009, has penned a tell-all novel about her experiences with Hefner called Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny.

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According to People magazine, in the book Madison recalls a particularly dark moment while having a bath in 2002.

“Maybe it was the pot and the alcohol, but drowning myself seemed like the logical way to escape the ridiculous life I was leading,” Madison writes.

“Would anyone even miss me? …. If I just put my head under water and take a deep breath in, it would all be over.”

Madison, who Hefner selected as his “number one girlfriend” out of a slew of other women, said she felt trapped in the storied party house.

“Everyone thinks that the infamous metal gate was meant to keep people out. But I grew to feel it was meant to lock me in,” she says.

The now 35-year-old also details her sex life with Hefner, explaining that it lacked intimacy and was punctuated by “fake” orgies.

“When I think about it now, it’s almost comical. Every red-blooded American male has no doubt fantasized about what went on in Hugh Hefner’s bedroom with his harem of blond bombshells. The answer? Not a whole lot,” Madison writes.

“My turn was over just as quickly as it had started.”

Madison (far right) poses with Hefner and fellow girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson (left) and Bridget Marquardt (centre). Photo: Getty

Madison (far right) poses with Hefner and fellow girlfriends Kendra Wilkinson (left) and Bridget Marquardt (centre). Photo: Getty

Madison describes the other women she lived with as “vacant” and insecure about their appearances as a result of Hefner constantly pitting them against each other.

The model says she realised there was no future for her in the house when she and Hefner talked about having a child together, only to discover that he was no longer fertile.

“This was concrete proof slapping me in the face that there was no future for me at the mansion,” Madison recalls.

“I know how absolutely insane it sounds to want to have kids with someone in their 70s. You are basically robbing a child of his or her father before it is even born. Now that I am a mom myself, the idea seems even more unpalatable.”

The couple split in 2008 and Madison has not spoken to Hefner, now 89, for four years.

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