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Tim Ferguson: hipster fashion ‘won’t last’

Hipster-male fashion is a narrow field. And it won’t last.

This Christmas, many dads received socks. If they were lucky, they got a golf shirt or a baseball cap. Buying clothes for a hipster is an equally uninteresting exercise. Jeans, a plaid shirt, a bicycle helmet …

Men dress down for every occasion. Even a gala event demands they wear either a tuxedo or top hat and tails. Yawn.

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It wasn’t always this way. In Medieval Europe, ostentation was ‘cool’. High heels for men were all the rage. And they were a sign of masculinity. The tougher you were, the higher you tottered.

This fashion fad was adopted from the 16th Century Persian cavalry who were tough guys indeed – real slash, burn and gallop types. Their high heels had a practical purpose – they helped keep a rider’s boots in his stirrups.

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Louis XIV of France by Hyacinthe Rigaud, 1701.

Aside from seeming macho, European men wore high heels to denote wealth. The higher the heels, the more impractical they seemed. The inference was that a bloke teetering on stilettos wasn’t someone who regularly trotted through cobbled lanes at the behest of his betters.

Things were going well for men who liked fancy dress.

But the Enlightenment caused male fashion to brown-out. ‘Equality’ and ‘reason’ were the buzzwords. Outlandish symbols of wealth and power were viewed as pretentious anachronisms. Money no longer signified true worth. Out went brightly-coloured high heels and in came plain boots.

Today, even the wealthiest men dress humbly. Prince William’s daywear is more denim than mink. And the Frank’n’furter look is kept for private time.

Women maintained their more colourful and distinctive fashions. Perhaps it was because even during the Enlightenment, their intellects were still deprived of the recognition they deserved.

Ladies kept the high heels for themselves. (Their intellects were sharp but not enough to foresee the centuries of tortured ankles and cricking knees that awaited them.)

A glance at the elaborate dresses worn by female superstars on the Oscars red carpet shows they weren’t thinking ahead on the frock-front either.

Oscar dresses are the pinnacle of haute couture. Though their colours may be muted, the styles are no less expressive than the florid bodices and cartwheel ruffs of yesteryear. Exposed chests, dangling jewelry and sweeping dress trails abound.

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Jennifer Lawrence at this year’s Oscars.

Older and wiser stars like Meryl Streep may wear more practical garb. But even a young actor as down-to-earth as Jennifer Lawrence wore a gown so ungainly she tripped on her way to the podium.

Modern female high-fashion is an unforgiving culture. Oscar frocks don’t leave room for hiding imperfections the stars might prefer to conceal. If women had followed the egalitarian trends of men, Lawrence may have been able to bound to the stage in comfortable black trousers.

Which brings us to today’s Australian hipster beard. The thick Federation-era wedge of facial fur is all the rage in inner-city cafes (widely assumed to be modern houses of style).

The beard is typically complemented by a lumberjack’s outfit of work boots, flannelette and denim (over-reachers might wear braces).

While some prefer the slightly woollier look last seen hanging from a rope at Ned Kelly’s execution, the classic hipster beard is trimmed, snipped and coiffed. It is the only glimpse of ostentation current down-dressing trends allow.

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A modern hipster rocks the 1900s look. Photo: Shutterstock

They may not realise it (or admit it) but the modern hipster’s beard is a hint of Medieval flamboyancy in an otherwise plain ensemble. The working-class clothes are an erroneous affectation on café-dwelling dudes who are typically university-educated, quinoa-chewing tree-huggers.

Throw in the subjugation of Australia’s convict-colony past and the conscious (if a little forced) egalitarianism of the hipster look is clear.

The modern Australian male hipster treads a fine line between the wigged and moustachioed dandies of the 1700s and the austere realists of post-Enlightenment. This contradiction may be why the hipster is mocked and labeled a ‘wanker’.

It’s why a hipster usually won’t identify himself as such – labels are, like, so medieval. His ‘look’ is torn between painstaking attention to detail and manly ruggedness. Both sides of the hipster’s look are suspicious of the other.

By the end of 2015 one side or the other will win the battle, and a new Australian hipster look will emerge.

Until then, the safest Christmas gifts for dads and hipsters are plain socks.

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