Director: Peter Jackson
Cast: Martin Freeman, Ian McKellen, Richard Armitage, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Luke Evans, Benedict Cumberbatch, Ken Stott, James Nesbitt, Cate Blanchett, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Hugo Weaving, Orlando Bloom
Duration: 144mins
Rating: M – Fantasy violence
Release Date: 26 December, 2014

Verdict: 2/5 stars

Ever since Peter Jackson announced that his two Hobbit films would become three Hobbit films, there has been much speculation (and accusation) of form being sacrificed for box office greed.

Concern that the story couldn’t possibly stretch over three – very long – films.

Predictions that this would prove the disappointing prequel trilogy to the original three-part masterpiece that would ultimately sully Jackson’s Middle Earth tapestry.

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Well move over George Lucas, we have a new legacy destroyer.

If you want a clue as to how stretched out this trilogy is, just count how many minutes of this film actually feature Bilbo Baggins. You know, the “hero” of the story.

To be clear, The Battle of Five Armies is a bad film, a bad finale and a bad prequel – and it feels as though the latter was the primary concern of the makers.

It is not, however, a bad story. Rather, this is what happens when a filmmaker forgets to include one.

Picking up at the moment the last film ended, Smaug sets about destroying Laketown while the Bard seemingly sets about establishing himself as our new “hero”.

Luke Evans plays Bard the Bowman in the Hobbit trilogy. Photo: Supplied

All of which is the prologue to the titular battle and all of which is the last time Jackson dedicates any real time to character development.

There is no hero in this film – hence the quotations above – the Bard is soon ignored, Bilbo disappears as though he’s wearing his ring the whole time.

There is also no villain. The white Orc is present but pointless.

And there is essentially no hobbit. Instead, the plot shifts back and forth from Gandalf, to Thorin, to Galadriel, to Tauriel, to Kili, to Thranduil, to Legolas, to Billy Connolly – yes, you read that right – but if you can’t keep up, don’t worry, there’s no reason to bother.

The bulk of the film consists of four armies arriving in sequence at Lonely Mountain, each resplendent in their pixelated glory, standing in place long enough for the audience to glory in their digital impressiveness before being thrown into a battle the cost of which can only be measured in post-production budget.

Obsessed with the battle, Jackson abandons his characters and delivers two soulless, meaningless and pointless hours of video game violence which thanks to his 48 frames per second camera usage feels less emotionally resonant than a game of Pong.

Then to add insult to injury, the finale to the film – and trilogy – is a blatant promotion for the original (and chronologically forthcoming) trilogy, emphasising that all that has gone before this was in essence a drawn out introduction.

One we didn’t need when we loved the Lord of the Rings and which it turns out we don’t need now.

An epic story needs a hero, and a story, and a conclusion.

Instead, we get five armies: Dwarves, Humans, Elves, Orcs, and in the absence of an obvious fifth army on screen, it must be assumed the final legion is of Peter Jackson’s accountants.

They are the ultimate winners of this disappointing affair.